The Worst Alternate Universe

On the first bodyguarding job we ever had, the guy we were supposed to be bodyguarding got killed.

But that one definitely wasn't our fault, 'cause we weren't even there at the time it happened.

And that second guy we were supposed to be bodyguarding, well, that definitely was our fault, but it was an accident, I mean, I wasn't trying to shoot him, I was trying to shoot that guy that was trying to kidnap him.

The third guy we had a bodyguarding job for didn't die until the day after we were done bodyguarding him, so I don't think that should count.

But the fourth guy counts, I guess.

We saved the fifth guy's ass like six times before he finally died from bleeding so much, so I think that should count as six good ones and one bad one.

The sixth guy died from natural causes, he fell down some stairs, that was an Act of God, wasn't nothing we could get in the way of there, so that don't count, either way.

And there wasn't even anybody trying to kill the seventh guy, he was just all crazy and paranoid, thought people were out to get him even though nobody was, but then he killed himself when we told him all about our work history, so I don't even know how to count that one.

And so that finally brings us up to lucky number eight.

Hmm.

Aw shit, he's dead.