Saturday, July 21, 2007

Let's Make a Deal

As everyone here is already well aware, there is no way for a short guy to beat a tall guy in a purely physical battle for a chick's affections.

Its just one of those immutable Laws of Science or whatever.

Knowing this, a lot of short guys seem to operate on this terrible idea that they need to avoid physical competition and attempt to win victories on other levels, such as personality and sensitivity and charm and charisma and conversation and being smart and funny and supportive and a good listener and all that kinda shit.

That is the worst thing that you can possibly do.

Because aside from everything else that is wrong with that strategy, and there are many, many things wrong with that strategy, you might as well just be saying that you are terrible in bed and desperate and hoping that somebody is willing to be paid in etheral mumbo-jumbo for suffering through a night of awkward Kubrick shit with you.

Chicks don't like that shit, heck man, nobody likes that shit.

But chicks especially don't like that crap, that's why everybody who is competing with you always gives you that terrible advice in the first place.

Yah, see, the truth is, chicks like purely physical shit.

That's why tall guys always kick your tiny little brainiac asses.

And then you short guys say shit like "why do chicks like assholes?"

Its doesn't have anything to do with being an asshole, or being confident, or any of that stupid crap.

Its that desperate and needy people are more like diseases than something you'd want to take home with you.

Its a self-fulfilling prophecy on multiple levels that I'm not even going to bother to explain.

And all the romantic stuff in the world ain't gonna do anything good for you unless somebody is already attracted to you, y'know?

So are you totally up Shit Creek with a tiny little paddle, if yer a short guy?

No, see, there is a purely physical thing that everyone has access to.


What you do have is money.

And a willingness to use it thanks to your desperation and general lack of character to start with.

Yah, see, tall guys aren't used to paying for women, because they don't usually have to.

And that, my friend, is definitely a weakness that you can exploit to your advantage.


Well, unless you're short and poor.

Yah, then yer just screwed, man.

Well, I guess that you could pretend that you are a sexually ambivalent artist who has been persecuted for his political beliefs or something, and hope for one of those crazy chicks that write to guys in prison and stuff, so you can cop a few feels and play it off like it was an accident or whatever when she starts to freak out.

But whatever, the key thing to remember is that you don't want to look like you really want it, you don't want to look needy and all that.

Because if chicks see any of that stuff, they'll jack up their prices.

Yah, its supply and demand, you wanna keep that demand as low as you can keep it, 'cause that's the only thing you got any control over, if yer a potential buyer.

And heck, if you don't think it'll work on the women, maybe you can use your money to pay off the tall guy and make him go away.

Yah, might even be cheaper to do it that way, save yourself some money, y'know?

Hey, whatever man, I'm just trying to help you poor little guys.

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