Monday, July 2, 2007

You Can Be the Car

If we play Monopoly, I either get to be the Top Hat or the Car.

I usually let my little brother be the Car, and I take the Top Hat, and then I kick everyone's ass into the ground financially in a fit of vengeance for making me play the Top Hat instead of the Car, but if you want to be the Car, well, its up to you, y'know, I'll take the Top Hat.

All the rest of the scrubs can be the other stuff, what is there, like, uh, oh, there's a Dog, one of those annoying terrier dogs like my Aunt used to have, man, she had one of those damned things that could actually talk like a human being, he could say "I Love You," and something else, I forget, something like "I Want To Go To the Race Track," I shit you not.

Yah, what else is there, oh, there's a Thimble, man, I had to try to explain to my little brother's kid what a Thimble was one time, good grief, talk about awkward, I felt like I was a six thousand year old mummy explaining that ancient piece of shit to him.

"Oh its something women used to use to protect their fingers back in the pilgrim days when people knew how to sew, its like, uh, Finger Armor."

Yah, there's a Thimble, that's gonna be one of the first play pieces from Monopoly that people from the future won't be able to identify at all.

Yah, they'll probably think its a Thermos Cup or something and play it upside down, and they'll get all pissed off and think it's defective because it keeps falling over.

Let's see, there's also a Ship, there's a Shoe, a Wheelbarrow, Horse, and a Cannon.

Yah, see, its Car or Top Hat, man, you can pretty much tell who is the Big Chief of the Tribe by what Monopoly Pieces they play.

Yah, the people who shout out shit like "I want to be the Shoe!" know they're gonna get walked all over and pushed out of the way anyways, y'know, they've come to terms with it, and shouting out their choice of scraps that nobody wants lets them feel like they're being assertive and talking some small amount of control over their pitiful little no-name red-shirt lives.

"Oh boy! I'm the Shoe! Nobody can take that away from me!"

Yah, its either Top Hat or Car, man, the Brawn gets the Car, and the Brains gets the Top Hat, right, its like some kinda Master Blaster type shit from Beyond Thunderdome.

So you can be the Car, that's cool.

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