The Archer's Code

There's nothing worse than getting shot in the ass with an arrow on the day of the big battle.

'Cause no matter how you might try to explain it, you know that all the folks in town are gonna think that you got shot in the ass while trying to run away.

Plus, guys that got shot in the ass with an arrow a long time ago already used up all them crazy "mooning the enemy" and "ass-assassin" excuses that woulda saved you some embarrassment.

And its not like you can sit down and think up ways to get the arrow out of your ass without anybody knowing, just so you can hobble back to the fight with sweats and chills pouring out of your armor and pretend that you din't get shot in the ass with an arrow.

Nope, you gotta lie face down on your belly in the mud like a snake if you need to rest 'cause of blood loss or something with that arrow sticking out of yer ass like a flag-pole.

And even if you do manage to survive gettin' that damn arrow out of yer ass, with no-one the wiser, there's a good chance that yer gonna be walking kinda funny fer the rest of yer life, and everybody you meet is gonna be asking you about that funny limp you got all the time, y'know, and so you're gonna need to make up a story to explain that.

I bet most of the guys that get shot in the ass with an arrow just crawl off and die somewhere.

That's probably why you never hear about guys getting shot in the ass with an arrow, even though it happens all the time.

Oh, there is one thing worse than getting shot in the ass with an arrow, and that's getting shot in the ass with a Fire Arrow, but let's not even go there.

Anyways, that's why you should be glad yer back here with us no-good dirty woodsman archers, and not up front there with all them glory-hound knights in shining armor and nobles.

And that's also the reason they're always giving us archers those funny, terrified looks over their shoulders, y'know.

Yah, you know the look.

Well, that's all you'd be thinking about, too, if you were up there with 'em, y'know.

"Gods please please please don't let me get shot in the ass with an arrow."

And so that's why we all change targets and finish the poor bloke off with a hail of arrows when one of us archers accidentally gets somebody from our own team in the ass.

That's the Archer's Code.

Yah, see, the more arrows there are sticking out of a guy, the less of a chance there is that somebody might pay attention to the one sticking out of his ass, and mebbe he'll be able to keep some of his family honor intact.

Its the merciful thing to do, really.

Anyways, let's try to not have it come down to that, eh?

Yah, I mean, if ya just gotta shoot one of our own guys, try to do the right thing and get him in the arm or the neck or something, at least.

Oh, it'll happen, sooner or later, no matter how hard you try not to have it happen, 'cause we're always trying to shoot our enemies in the ass, to totally demoralize 'em, y'know, and when you get into the groove, moving from target to target, all them asses out there start looking the same, and you only got half a heartbeat to decide whether or not to let loose.

And the enemy ain't gonna make it easy for ya, either, 'cause that's all their thinking about, y'know?

Well, war is a filthy business, lad, just be glad yer back here with us archers insteada up there with all the funny-walking nobility.

And if you ever do have to be up there, then just remember that its actually better to be one of the guys leading the charge, and not one of the guys in the back row with their asses all exposed.