Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Necromancer

I dunno why you would wanna be a Necromancer.

Well, I get that you got interested in it 'cause you wanted to live forever.

But you end up turning into a Lich, which is like a skeleton in a dress.

When you coulda just been a sexy vampire instead.

Yah, I think its easier to be a vampire, you don't have be all smart and ruin your eyes studying ancient tomes or anything to be a vampire, like you do if you wanna be a skeleton in a dress.

There's vampire crackhead idiots and stuff, its easy to be a vampire.

And vampires can make other sexy vampires to serve them, insteada more flimsy skeletons and gross-ass smelly zombies and stuff that ain't any good at conversation, y'know?

Not that they need to, 'cause if they ever get lonely, they could just pass themselves off as humans.

Yah, I think that'd be pretty hard to do as a skeleton in a dress.

So I dunno why you'd wanna be a Necromancer in this day and age, it just don't seem worth it anymore.

Well, at least you ain't a mummy.

Yah, mummies have it the worst.

Well, first off, their weakness is fire, y'know, that's why they always move to some wet and swampy place, insteada sticking around the desert they came from.

Fire is a really sucky weakness, especially in a world fulla little kids that smoke cigarettes and burn ants with magnifying glasses and lighter fluid, that's why you hardly ever hear anything about them anymore, they're hiding out, man.

Well, they think things might get better for 'em in the future when they can go after people in space where there ain't no oxygen to worry about.

Nah, I didn't have the heart to tell those poor guys about the lasers.

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