The Interview

I can't stand working with androids.

They're always asking you how you are feeling about things and what you are thinking about and stuff.

And you know they can't actually care, they're just badgering you for information they can use to pretend to be "one of the guys" and shit.

And if you try to feed them emotional disinformation on a long space flight, y'know, just for a laugh, they'll end up acting all crazy.

I hate working with those artificially evolved and surgically augmented genejobs and stuff too.

Yah, 'cause you always have to be careful you don't accidentally confuse them and piss them off, I know they work cheap and they're designed for operating in toxic working envionments and stuff but serious self esteem issues, animal hormones, and the ability to lift ten times their own weight is bad combination.

You have to continuously give 'em positive reinforcement about everything or they start turning nasty on you.

And I hate working with holograms, too, that's like talking to a puppet.

They get pissy about not maintaining eye contact and they're always showing off their photonics by shaking your hand and patting you on the back and all that fake shit, even though they're just a projection of an artificial intelligence, y'know?

Well, they aren't actually the artifical intelligence you are talking to, y'know?

I'd just rather not work with artificial intelligences in general.

Pulling little shit on you like that "talk to my hologram" junk just to prove their cognitive superiority.

And then, whenever you confront them about it, they go into that whole subroutine where they try to convince you that they were designed to be absolutely infallable and subservient and everything they do is for your own good.

And you know they're always trying to increase efficiency by messing with us in sneaky little ways.

Yah, this one kept hiding my cigarettes, he was trying to get me to quit smoking, because he thought it would improve my long-term productivity by seven percent, but I ended up spending so much time looking for my cigarettes and screaming and yelling and breaking shit that he eventually had a nervous breakdown.

Well, whatever, I can put up with all that shit, y'know, even though I don't particularly like it.

Only thing I absolutely will not work with is humans.

Hey, I don't care how much this job pays, I don't even want 'em around me as corpsicles in suspended animation, something always happens.

Really?

Hmm.

Okay, well, that is a lot of money, lemme think about it.

Naw, they're just way too gross, I'll have nightmares about them moving around in the cargo hold and opening their creepy little liquidy eyes.

Yah, I'm sure, I'll just take that stupid ice planet thing with all the genejobs.