Friday, July 13, 2007

Unnatural Selection

We're the last of the carnivorous apes on this planet.

Oh, that's because we killed all the other carnivorous apes.

Yah, they were in competition with us.

But we left all the cute and harmless ones, y'know, like gorillas, 'cause they only eat plants, and all those other ones that masturbate in public all the time, 'cause they make us laugh.

And as far as predators go, we're top of the line, baby, I mean, it'd only take one of us to wipe out whatever was left of most of the other big predators on the planet, and he could do it during the commercials and be back before his microwave popcorn got cold.

Its kinda weird though, y'know, that carnivorous apes evolve into big headed aliens.

That we lost the awesome animal strength that'd allow us to lift ten times our own body weight and run faster than a speeding bullet and the sharp teeth that allowed us to chew through the hide of a rhinocerous while our brains got bigger and bigger.

Like the Bully that gets fat and weak 'cause nobody challenges him to anything but games of Monopoly and Scrabble or something.

Or mebbe we never had any of that, mebbe we always were the scrawniest little hairless sacks of wuss on the planet, and we got picked on all the time, and that's why we got so nasty.

Mebbe we weren't even carnivorous to start with, mebbe we only started eating meat to try to be like the cool kids who were scaring the shit outta us.

And evolution is really the result of some sorta Revenge of the Nerds of the Animal World kinda thing, where those that get picked on the most and always get the books knocked out of their arms, who are actually the least fittest, go the craziest and become the most dangerous and get sorta unnaturally selected.

Well it'd sure explain a few things.

Damn that Nietzche with his "the hero must take care lest he becomes the monsters that he fights" shit, I'm so sick of that bastard always beating the shit outta me at everything and being so smug about it, one of these days I'm gonna kick his ass heh.

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