Sunday, July 15, 2007

Smells Like Kryptonite

Actually, it sucks to be a super hero.

Super speed, fer example, is a total pain in the ass.

Yah, you ever have to walk super slow with yer grampa or something?

Well, its like that, only ten times worse, when yer trying to hang out with normal folks who can't move super fast.

And it totally ruins the fun of playing playstation games, I'm always stuck waiting for the stupid little computers to catch up to what I wanna do next, it's like watching a frickin' slideshow.

And then there's the whole Great Power and Great Responsibility thing, that is just making me miserable, all this he-said she-said blaming-everybody-except-yerself domestic stuff and people beating on their kids and shit is so frickin' depressing.

And Super Hearing just makes it even worse, 'cause you can only do one thing at a time, but you can hear people all over the place killing each other in alleys and crying themselves to sleep 'cause the bank is gonna take their farms and shit.

So its like, no matter what you do, there's ten thousand times as much shit that you can't do nothing about, and you just gotta sorta pick one, and then you hope you didn't pick the wrong one, and that you ain't just rescuing some jagbag that yer gonna need to rescue somebody else from in a couple of days, while you stand there, listening to all these other horrible things going down all over the place.

And then, even Super People need to sleep, sometimes, y'know?

But all this horrible shit happens when yer sleeping that you coulda done something about, and its like, people blame you for it 'cause you coulda done something about it if you weren't so lazy.

So the whole super hero thing really sucks some serious ass.

Yah, I just give up, man, that's why I'm hanging out here at the bar, listening to all the screams and windows breaking and brakes squealing all over the place with my super hearing and hoping I'll hear some other super hero guy come along and save everybody, 'cause I'm just frickin' sick of it.

I'm exhausted.

And I can't even get blind stinking drunk 'cause of my Super Metabolism, y'know, I'm a hundred percent immune to regular earthly poisons, so I just gotta sit here cold sober, man.

Yah, I mean, unless you happen to have some Kryptonite on ya, or know where I can get my hands on some.


Well, its always worth a shot, I guess.

Man, I really miss that old bald headed idiot arch-nemesis of mine sometimes, he always had tons of the stuff.

Yah, he lost his hair when we were getting drunk one night, lighting our farts in high school, and the guy never forgave me for it.

Well, I got Super Farts, y'know, and I wasn't fully aware of my own strength at the time, and apparently they aren't affected by Kryptonite.

Yah, I dunno, losing yer hair seems kinda like a stupid thing to get yer supervillain panties in a twist over when you think about all the Super Problems that I gotta deal with.

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