Tuesday, July 17, 2007

The Wizard Tower

Oh, Apprentices are always getting pissed off and storming out of the Wizard Tower and turning into Evil Renegade Sorcerers, that's nothin' new, man.

You guys come in here all excited with stars in your eyes, thinking you are gonna learn all sorts of drooly awersomes Magic Secrets and stuff, and then we make ya mop the floor and shovel the shit out of the stables and do our laundry and we hardly ever talk to you about anything but chores.

And then you really get pissed off 'cause us Wizards won't just tell you all the answers to everything, and some of you storm outta here and go nuclear.

But it really isn't what you Apprentices might think it is.

No, we're not trying to teach you to be patient, 'cause none of us Wizards have any appreciation for patience, that's almost like a Rule of Being a Wizard or something, y'know?

Well, it might seem like we're patient but we're really just obssessed like Ahab and shit, y'know, yah.

And we certainly aren't trying to teach you to appreciate a hard day's work and all that back breaking labor and stuff, man, Wizards are lazy, we totally hate all that amish farming shit, I mean, we're constantly using magic (and you Apprentices) to avoid all that mundane crap, and that's definitely a Rule of Being a Wizard heh.

And we aren't trying to weed out the ones that might turn into Evil Renegade Sorcerers, either, even though we might say that when the cops come knocking on the door of the Tower at two in the morning 'cause it sounds good, y'know?

I mean, some of my best friends are Evil Renegade Sorcerers.

Yah, no, it ain't any of that, really.

See, I usually try to just hint about certain things, 'cause I think brain kindling is generally more effective if people think they thought of shit on their own, mostly, and its more fun for the inspired guy when you do it in a way where its easy for him to take ownership of his new ideas and stuff.

Plus, the guys that already know what I'm talking about would get bored if I didn't make it into some kinda tricksy puzzle thing.

And they might even get angry with me for just "giving away" the good stuff that I stole from them or whatever without any kind of Wizard Puzzle Initiation Process.

But I get really bored waiting for folks to catch up sometimes, especially when you gotta wait for them to do it the Hard Way, y'know, where they have to go down all the same bad logic paths we all went down, it took us forever to figure out some of that stuff.

And I know the more folks there are that get caught up, the more chances there are for me to hear something that I ain't heard of before.

I dunno how all the other Wizards can just sit there and watch everybody do all this stupid junk without saying anything sometimes heh.

But then again, I've never been a very good Wizard, that's why all you Apprentices like me so much ahaha.

Yah, I'm just innit for the Pipeweed and Wizard College Parties, baby.

But then again and again, animals with Genetic Memory don't do so well, y'know?

'Cause once they figure something out, that's it, man, it gets burned into their brainpans and they don't ever waste another clock cycle on it.

Yah, so like an alien race with genetic memory is basically one three million year old guy.

And that might give them an advantage in certain areas, no doubt, but there's definitely some bad stuff that comes with that old dog new tricks stuff.

Where stuff like humans, who get born and die and have to learn everything the hard way, starting from the beginning over and over again, keep testing the old ideas and redesigning and improving the mental framework they stick everything in.

Well, yah, they don't do that all the time, I mean, just look at all the hillbilly villagers in town, but even if they only do it sometimes, its still enough for them to beat out the Genetic Memory Aliens, in the end, y'know?

So mebbe that's why the other Wizards don't wanna just pass all the knowledge they got down, y'know, mebbe they think that doing stuff that way would suffer from all the same problems as the Genetic Memory Model, maybe they're hoping you Apprentices will find improvements in the original framework.

Or mebbe we are just a bunch of greedy jerks, soaking up yer tuition fees, and we're just keeping everything to ourselves 'cause Knowledge is Power and we're all petty and notoriously great at bullshitting and shit heh.

But whatever, it all works out, and even if your Master is a total tight-lipped pain in the ass, that'll just teach you to be that much better at stealing knowlege.

And that's really what Being a Wizard is all about, in my humble O, y'know, you can't wait around for all that powerful shit to just be handed to you, you gotta start learning how to steal it.

So you guys should appreciate all the Wizards here in the Tower a little more, standing around, letting you Apprentices try to rob us all the time.

Sure, we're not the Best Wizards in the Multiverse or anything, I'm just working here at the Wizard Tower for the medical benefits and access to hot young Sorceress Interns, y'know, but if you think its hard to get training out of us, you should try to go steal some knowledge from an Evil Renegade Sorcerer, man, you'll be lucky to walk away without having to pay for your insolence with some kinda horrible mutation that makes it hard to walk away heh.

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