Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Dungeon

There's one thing you will never, ever get me to say no matter how much you torture me and do your worst and all that stuff.

And that's that I love country music.

Unless yer gonna burn me with a hot piece of metal or let a bunch of hornets loose in the room or something freaky like that, 'cause then I'll say anything.

But just tieing me to a chair and punching me in the face for hours and hours ain't enough.

You better not do anything to me that would really mess me up and make me ugly though, 'cause if I start thinking that I'm never gonna get a waitress to want to dance with me again, you might as well just kill me.

Y'know, if you were a cute chick that said she liked country music, then I'd be more than happy to tell you that I have always loved country music, ever since I was a little baby.

That's 'cause you get more flies with honey and all that.

You ever think that maybe you should quit torturing people, and just hire some cute chicks to be nice to them to get them to do the stuff you want?

I think you'd make up some of the expense on the time you saved due to the improvement in the effectiveness of the process.

You could be hanging out with a hand-picked team of your own Cute Chicks all day, getting tons of acclaim as a Super Effective Master Torturer and all sorts of promotions and shit from your superiors, and getting home early and playing some frizbee or something with the kids insteada hanging around in this crappy dungeon punching me in the face all night.

You really are exposing yourself to a lot of negative energy here, y'know?

Well, its something to think about.

Dude, if I knew where the treasure was, I woulda told you after you punched me about five times.

Well, I know you wouldn't believe me if I just blurted out the answer before you even hit me, you still woulda punched me a lot more than five times just to make sure I was telling the truth.

So I figure the bite-my-lip-five-punch-spill-the-beans thing woulda been the cheapest way to get this over with, if I knew where the treasure was

But I don't know where the treasure is.

Hey, if you really wanted to get this over with, you should get some Cute Chicks to come in here and verify that I'm telling you the truth.

And if you really knew what you were doing, you'd get some Cute Chicks that liked AC/DC or something insteada that Achey Breaky Country Music shit.

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