Dude, I've never actually winked at anyone in my entire life.
Not even when I was younger.
I dunno, I just never think to do it.
I'm like a guy who doesn't know how to whistle or somethng, in the Winking Department.
And I know a lot of smooth old guys who have totally mastered winking at people, so I know that the Ancient Art of Winking is not quite dead.
Old Guy Bob and Australia used to do it all the time, man.
They could even make a little Santa Claus Twinkle appear in the corner of their eye and everything, I dunno what the shit is that.
But it feels so frickin' unnatural when I do it, just to do it, it's a totally artificial response, and its so damn cheeky, y'know, and I'm so frickin' terrible at it, like my face is made out of tire rubber or something, the whole thing just makes me laugh.
And thinking about how creepy it'd make somebody else feel if I winked at them makes me laugh even more.
That's why I have to do it somebody.
I just love awkward Kubrick shit like that.
But I'm never gonna remember to do it unless I write this.
And while I'm at it, I might as well apologize ahead of time, y'know, if yer the victim of my first Public Wink Attack.
'Cause it'll probably be all sloppy and clumsy and vulgar and horrible.
Everything is, the first time, y'know.
And I'm sure I'll totally over-do it.
But just like a serial killer, I'll get more confident of my winking prowess and shit as I continue along on my winking campaign of terror.