Monday, July 2, 2007

Choose Blue

There's a few different things that can happen when you walk up to a Slurpy Machine in a 7-11.

See, Slurpy Machines come with two flavors.

One side of the Slurpy Machine always gives you Cherry uh... Slurp, I guess, for some reason, I dunno, Cherry Slurp is just like the Standard Slurpy Flavor or something, every Slurpy Machine always has to have Cherry Slurp as one of the choices, its just like a Rule or whatever.

So y'know, worse comes to worst, you'll end up with a Cherry Slurpy.

I dunno why they didn't pick Raspberry Slurp as the Standard Flavor insteada Cherry, Raspberry woulda been a far better choice, but that's just not how it is.

Anyways, the other side of the Slupry Machine dispenses the Exotic Slurpy Flavor of the Month.

So you never know what the other choice might be.

Its usually Blue Flavored Slurp.

No, actually its not Blueberry, its just, uh, Blue, y'know, uh, Flavored.

Well I dunno what the fuck its s'posed to be but it definitely ain't blueberry, I dunno why yer so stuck on fruit, I highly doubt that Cherry Slurp is actually made with Juice from actual Cherries.

Now, if yer really unlucky, it might be something Yellow, insteada Blue, y'know, and its never Lemonade, hell no, its always something creepy like Banana Pineapple Passion or Salsa Mango Taco Tango.

Yah, no way I'm drinking that Yellow stuff, man.

Yah, no way, it makes Blue almost seem like a sane choice or something.

That Yellow junk reminds me of the way everything smells and tastes for three days after ya get so drunk that ya hork yer guts out.

And there's never any orange or purple colored Slurp flavor, for some reason.

Nope, there's just Cherry, and then there's Blue or Yellow.

I think sometimes they have Green, which I'd probably chicken out on, too, y'know, 'cause that's like Half Blue and Half Yellow.

I dunno, 'might be Green Apple or Kiwi, or Ghostbuster Slime, who knows.

Yah, so its either Blue or Cherry, really, I dunno why they even waste their time putting that other shit in the machine.

I s'pose aliens might land or yuppies or amish people or androids mighta moved into the neighborhood last week and not know any better or something.

Man, I wish they had raspberry slurpies, that'd be fricking sweet.

But they don't.

That's just not one of the choices.

There's just Ho-hum Regular, the Blue Flavor, or Everything Smells Like Toxic Tropical Puke Disaster.

Its like no choice at all.

I wonder if they did it that way on purpose.

To make you choose Cherry.

Well somebody over there definitely has a thing for Cherry, I mean, after all, it is the Standard Slurpy Flavor and everything.

Maybe they're trying to teach you a lesson, why Cherry is the best, but they're sorta cheating by throwing these pitiful weak no-name straw men against it, like they do with Professional Wrestling when it ain't a Big Pay Per View Event, y'know?

I s'pose the folks that Choose Blue are just subconsciously trying to fight the mental conditioning.

Y'know, voting for the Underdog or something.

That's why they started replacing Ole Blue with those horrible Yellow ones, y'know, Blue was starting to get a following and stuff, but the Cherry Man wasn't gonna stand for that.

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