Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Wainwright

Well, a cooper is supposed to be a guy that makes barrels, and not wagons.

I dunno why they're called coopers and not barrelwrights, when a wagon maker is called a wainwright.

I dunno whey we're called wainwrights insteada wagonsmiths, etiher.

But my name's Cooper 'cause my old man made barrels, even though I make and repair wagons.

Yah he ain't too happy about how I went into the wagon business, we had a bit of a falling out, y'know, but there's more money in repairing wagons than there is in making barrels fer people, wagons are the hot new sexy technology, a man's gotta keep up with the times.

Well, y'know, the thing I really don't get is why folks call horseback riding horseback riding.

I mean, we don't say ponyback riding or camelback riding or donkeyback riding.

And its not like there's another part of a horse that you can ride on, insteada the back, but the fact that they call it Horseback Riding sorta implies that there is.

Well, I'm not sure exactly what they're insinuating, but that's probably what comes from favoring a travel option that involves constantly mashing yer privates against some poor horse's spine.

That's why you should buy yerself a proper wagon.

And I'm not just saying that to make you buy one of my fine wagons here, either, y'know.

Nobody ever says what we all think about folks that go bouncing about the world on horseback as if there wasn't anything fishy goin' on in their nether regions.

'Cause we're all too polite.

But that doesn't mean we don't all think it, right?


Yah, well, this here is one of our newer models, it comes with a Rutmaster Comfort Suspension and pair of front and rear driving lanterns, standard, because the safety of our customers is our number one concern, here at Cooper Wainwrights.

But the dragonskin seat cushions, driver-side wineskin holder, dashboard tinderbox, plug-in-plague-away air fresheners, and the mithril rims will cost you a few more coppers.

But I'm sure we can work something out.

You might be interested in our new Platinum Roadside Assurance Plan, too.

Yah, see, no matter where your wagon breaks down, day or night, you just mail us a letter and the Wainwright Guild will get you taken care of right away, as long as you ain't outside our Seven Baronies Service Area.

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