Tuesday, April 1, 2008

April Fools Day

Many people, myself included, don't seem to remember what the true spirit of April Fools Day was really supposed to be all about.

We all go around thinking crap like, "man, practical jokes are for assholes, April Fools Day is like some sort of totally fucked up holiday where all the pitiful dweebs that delude themselves into thinking that they're clever and hilarious celebrate their assholerly by making themselves feel better at someone else's expense, and then they go around telling their victims that they don't have a sense of humor."

But last night I was visited by three ghosts, the Ghost of April Fools Day Past, Present and Future, and so now I'm like all Merry April Fools Day and shit.

Yep, the Ghost of April Fools Day Past took me back in time to the village where April Fools Day comes from, this place where everybody had a sense of humor and pranks and practical jokes were an artform.

Yah it was really kinda interesting.

But then these Inquisitor guys showed up, and they had no sense of humor, and they had them all burned at the stake for witchcraft.

And that's why nobody remembers the true spirit of April Fools anymore, y'know.

Its sorta like a holiday belonging to a vestigial strain of folks that lost the Survival of the Fittest competition.

That us folks with no sense of humor just keep dragging along with us out of nostalgia or something.

Which is what the Ghost of April Fools Day Present taught me.

And then the Ghost of April Fools Day Future showed up, and he was this gruesome Grim Reaper looking skeleton dude in a black robe, and he took me to the future and showed me all these people moping around, because we'd finally killed off all the prankster bits of our genetics and nobody had a sense of humor for practical jokes anymore.

And I was all like, "oh my god! this is horrible, man! we can't let this happen! tell me we can still do something to avert this terrible catastrophe! tell me that the future isn't set in stone!"

And the Ghost of April Fools Day Future was all like, "really? Have you seen the light and the error of your no-sense-of-humor ways?"

And I was like, "haha naw man, I'm just kidding, I mean, sure, these people are all moping around and shit, but all a bunch of pranks and practical jokes would do is make shit even more annoying for them, y'know, 'cause its all like, making yerself feel better at somebody else's expense, you might as well have a holiday about giving people purple nurples and shit."

Well, the Ghost of April Fools Day Future didn't think that was all that funny, apparently, although it was sorta hard to tell from his expressionless skull-face, I could hear him grinding his teeth.

So he took me to see my grave and we stood there for a little bit looking down at the stupid thing and then I finally couldn't take it anymore so I blurted out "uh, what the hell does this have to do with April Fools and teaching me to have a sense of humor?" and he was all like "nothing" and then he took me back to my apartment and left.

That little skeletor bitch can't take a joke, man.

Anyways I guess after all that time travelling ghost stuff I finally understand the true spirit of April Fools Day!

Haha just kidding!

Yah naw I still don't get it.

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