Sunday, April 6, 2008

Romantic Hearts

Y'know how some movies are like, produced by a guy that runs a strip club, starring all the strippers that work for him and the bouncers and some of his pals and the pals of his pals?

I'm not talking about porno, I'm talking about monster movies and stuff, like, the strip club guy wants to get out of doing strip club stuff, he's sick of the rough trade and dealing with the nastiest side of humanity, he wants to get into something more high faluting, something that'll restore his faith in humanity, something that'll restore some of his own humanity, after the beating its taken.

But he's got all these hot chicks laying around, and he knows how to make money with that, so he does a monster movie.

'Cause that's all there is to monster movies, some hot chicks, and a rubber monster, or something.

And you can tell right away that's its a Strip Club Monster Movie, y'know, within the first few seconds of the movie, the sound is bad, there's no appreciation for film, the dialogue is exactly as heartfelt and soulless as the dialogue in a porno, none of the glassy eyed actors and actresses have any hopes that this might be their big break or something, none of 'em have any aspirations beyond their next dose of medication, all they want is to get it over with and get their cash, etc. etc.

There's like, no getting away from it, for the guy that runs the Strip Club.

And the movie will get one star, even though it really doesn't even deserve that, compared to some one-star movies that are really great in comparison to a Strip Club Monster Movie, y'know, I'm pretty sure that one star is the minimum, you gotta give the movie one star or people will think the movie hasn't been rated or something heh.

And it doesn't make the Strip Club owner guy happy, either, y'know, 'cause Strip Club owner guys are smart, he can see whats going on, but he'll fool himself into thinking its okay, as long as it makes some money, right?

Even though he wanted so much more from it than that.

Even though he knows there's something missing, something that he was trying to get to that he missed somehow.

The world isn't exactly the way he tells himself that he thinks it is, to make himself feel better with his lot in life, it isn't all about money, and it definitely isn't all about titties.

Especially for him, y'know, 'cause he's totally immune to his own poison, he might play along with everybody else, to keep up appearances, he's a showman, after all, with something to sell.

But cookies turns to crackers pretty damn fast when all you got to eat are cookies day after day after day.

And he can see there's good stuff out there, all over the place, stuff he appreciates that he would never admit to appreciating to the folks he's surrounded himself with, unless he could use it to get 'em to do something.

But he just can't seem to escape from his own personal black hole, even though he knows exactly how to, even though he's smart enough to realize that he's used his super powerful brain to surround himself with a bunch of idiots who are blocking him from the place he wants to go, he's used his super powerful money making brain to build his own prison.

And that brain is starving for something else, better things, maybe.

That brain isn't happy with the doings of all the idiots he's surrounded himself with.

And the doings of his customers are even worse.

But his customers can come and go from his world any time they want.

And his customers will go home, and they will see his movie on On Demand, and they will read the quick review of it, and it'll say "its a ghost story," or "its about a group of kids that get lost in the woods and fight a monster in a log cabin," or whatever, and they'll turn it on, and they'll sit through the ads at the beginning, and all the cheesy production company credits.

And as soon as the first couple of seconds of the movie plays, they'll hear the hum of the bad sound quality, and the first few bits of horrible porno dialogue, and they'll see all these idiot actors who aren't even interested in acting, and its even more annoying than watching their kids practice for some totally annoying and horrible school play.

And they'll know its a Strip Club Monster Movie, and they'll turn it off.

'Cause if you are gonna watch a porno, you can watch a porno, y'know?

Why put up with all the half-assed crappy monster stuff?

That's even worse than "soft" porn and "easy listening" music heh.

And nobody wants to hang with the strip club people after you've got what you wanted out of the strip club.

Nobody wants to be stuck in that grim, lowest common denominator universe, after they're done getting their rocks off, or done getting their money out of it.

Not even the guys who created it.

I mean, that's why they're trying to make monster movies, right?

Not that I actually care about strip club guys and all that shit, that's the shallow end of the pisspool as far as the bottomless pit of shit goes, its almost hilarious to me that those guys with their brightly colored outfits and cosmetics and personal oblivion prescriptions, fueled by the cash of practically Victorian folks who still think that looking at nipples and fucking is naughty or art something, would even register on my misery-meter.

Yah, naw, what I'm actually trying to say is that maybe we should make a monster movie heh.

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