Monday, April 7, 2008

Amish Robots

"So we got out into space, and we spread throughout the cosmos in our kickass looking spaceships, and blah blah blah, we began to find archaeological traces of an ancient human civilization that had been far more technologically advanced than us millions of years ago."

"Right right, everybody knows that."

"Ancient shopping malls and space stations and the wrecks of luxury space cruisers drifting about in space, the ruins of mining operations and research outposts on strange planets, stuff like that."

"Yah yah."

"And we studied all that junk, just like you and me been studying these ruins now, 'cause we wondered who the heck these guys were, and what happened to them, if anything did, I mean, they coulda just moved deeper into space and left all this garbage we were looking at behind in their wake."

"Right, who knows, they may still be out there somewhere, they might've gone to another galaxy or something with better junk, and left all this crap behind."

"And we eventually came to understand that they had had a robot apocalypse, their technology eventually evolved into a bunch of sentient robots, and the Ancient Humans had been destroyed in the survival of the fittest competition that took place afterwards, y'know, pretty standard stuff."

"Yah that one never gets old, we were doing that one back in the days when we were still making shit out of wood heh."

"And as we continued to explore and discover new ruins, farther and farther out into space, we began to uncover archaeological traces of the Ancient Sentient Robot Civilization that had replaced the Ancient Human civilization, mixed in with the Ancient Human Stuff."

"Yah right, that's what we're doing here."

"Well, I just finally finished translating some of the latest data we've been pulling out of their ancient database, and apparently, just like humans, the Robots began to worry that the bizarre new kind of technology they were creating would eventually become sentient and replace them in an evolutionary way somehow, just like they had replaced their creators."

"Haha so the Robots caught the Robot Apocalypse Bug too."

"Yah, some of the Robots started becoming very anti-technology."

"Hah so there were like, Amish Robots or something!"

"Yah, and these Amish Robots used their technology to make themselves more and more human, to go back to the old god-fearing ways, and thus become invulnerable to technological attack like computer viruses and stuff."


"And they made themselves human enough that they could even die and reproduce, just like humans did."

"Whoah, that's weird."

"And then there was this totally kickass and humongously awesome space battle between the Anti-technology Robots and the Pro-technology Robots, and the Anti-technology Robots won."

"'Cause they were all specially designed to kick technology-based stuff's ass, that's awesome, I hope we find some footage of that in the data mine."

"So then, according to this, the Anti-technology Robots settled on a nice little planet, and terraformed it, and they got rid of the last of their awesome technology, after getting rid of all the annoying dinosaurs, and they began to live simple lives, like dudes in an Amish Farming Village, not teaching their robot kids anything about all the awesome spaceships and technology they knew about."


"And they created a nice holy roller anti-science belief system, so that their kids would be afraid of science and stuff and not want to rediscover it, after the last of the Old Robots that knew the truth about things had died."


"And they were totally fascinated with a bunch of shallow shit like sex and death and raising kids and their feelings and personal psychology and the meaning of life and everything 'cause that was really all a bunch of new inventions to them."

"Hey, wait a minute..."


"Holy shit man."


"Dude, no."


"Shit man, what the hell are we gonna do with this junk? We're gonna get excommunicated!"

"Nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

"Well, they're gonna figure it out if they ever bump into some Ancient Humans that survived the first Robot Apocalypse somewhere."

"Yah but then it'll be someone else's name on the shit heh."

"Haha yah."

1 comment:

mynn the museless said...

you are very strange. :)