Monday, April 28, 2008

Good Nipples & Bad Nipples

You know what's messed up?

The way that female nipples are like, naughty or something, but men's nipples ain't.

I don't get it.

Its only the nipple part of the boob that's evil or whatever, apparently, the rest of it can't hurt you or anything, a nipple-less boob is no danger to anyone.

But I don't remember nothing about any kind of nipples being naughty or anything in any of the lectures at the Monastery.

Well I think I woulda remembered that, that kinda talk prolly woulda woke me right up heh.

So how did we decide that just the female nipple was part of being naked?

Doesn't make sense.

And why isn't the word "nipple" a bad word, when nipples are obviously all totally evil and stuff?

I mean, maybe I did miss something that the Abbot said, but then men should at least have to wear them star-shaped pasties and tassles and stuff, too, right?

'Cause if its the nipple that's evil, they got the exact same kinda nipples ahaha.

And men should get arrested or fined if they get all cheeky-monkey about it and let one their evil little nipples poke out, too.

That's the only way to be fair, man.

Gotta have some equality here.

You can't just go around making up totally unfair rules like that just 'cause we're bigger than them.

"My nipples are fine, its only your nipples that are bad."

Until we get that far things are always gonna be kinda lopsided and messed up y'know?

And that'd be good fer the economy too, 'cause there'd be a lot more jobs at that place where they do the ratings for movies, inspecting films frame by frame to check for nipples and stuff.

"Dude I saw it."

"Are you sure?"

"Rewind a couple frames."

"Yep, there it is. Make a note of that."

"Jeeze looeeze man that guy's nipple almost slipped right by us."

"Imagine the damage it could've done."

Or we can repeal all these crazy nipple rules and set those falsely imprisoned nipples free.

Either way is fine with me heh.

Man, even I ain't sure which side I'm on with this one.

Like, if a guy has really great manboobs, then they'd probably make him cover up his nipples, right?

Its like some kind of boob "quality" thingie that makes the nipple bad or good.

Whether a nipple is on a good boob or a bad boob.

But why do we blame the nipple for everything?

And let the rest of boob get off scott free?

When its actually the shape of the boob that determines the guilt of its nipple?


Nipples all look the same, y'know, for the most part, 'cept for the really gross ones, its not like you couldn't just cut-n-paste 'em between people, man, its the boobs that are different.

It's like, why even bother covering up that part, we all have those damn things, man.

I mean, it would make more sense if they made you cover up everything except the nipples, maybe, right?

This whole thing just doesn't make any sense ahaha.

"Nipples should be rare."


Sundry Chicken said...

Raises more questions than answers, and has the makings to be one helluva cowboy story.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Oh man yer a lot of help.

Although I think maybe you might be on to something with that cow-boy thingie ahaha.

Sundry Chicken said...

Well you know how a patriarchal religious establishment pushes sin and morality on society in order to suppress the sacred feminine and earth mother-goddess gaia for both political and monetary gain. It's kinda like that but with collectible Hopalong Cassidy action figures in new posable poses. Seriously, the roots of modern morality arguably can be linked to the early lunar bull cults which first arose in the Mesopotamian region near the confluence of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers. Though udders probably aren't nipples in the true sense. Also makes you wonder why Donald Duck doesn't ever wear pants, doesn't it?

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Yah, well all that patriarchal stuff just started out as a joke among the totally expendable male dudes in the tribe that had to stand on guard duty y'know but some of the guys weren't all that smart and they took it serious before us guys on guard duty even knew what they were up to.

I'm thinking that the nipplething has something to do with the way female nipples "work" y'know?

Like, they squirt milk, where men's nipples can't, 'cause they ain't fully operational battle stations ahahha.

Something like that coulda been really frightening to people in the old days, y'know, with liquids coming out of people in strange places, and that's how female nipples got to be evil.

But then if that's what it was all about it TOTALLY doesn't make sense that the ONLY time its OKAY for a woman to show her nipples is when SHE'S MAKING A POOR INNOCENT BABY EAT WHATEVER IS INSIDE OF THOSE THINGS!!!

That's when the evil magic of female nipples are at their most powerful!

Women can actually do a couple OTHER tricks (bleeding without dieing, squirting out babies) that prolly freaked the HELL out of all the "beards" back in the ancient times too heh.

Actually I think the most likely scenario is that it was WOMEN that decided to artificially increase the VALUE of their nipples by decreasing the supply of the things in public ahaha.

Plus its a pretty good trick to get you to buy a car without taking it for a test drive first and stuff too AHAHA.

"Dude you don't know how many accidents that thing has been in!"