Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Make Great Pets

The aliens that were smarter than us came along one day and they made us their pets.

'Cause to them, we were like smart animals, with way more powerful senses and better instincts and brute strength, but only capable of understanding what amounts to "simple" commands.

And we were super easy to keep happy and take care of from their perspective.

And they let us keep our own pets, so we were sorta like guard dogs with our own pet guard dogs.

Which looked really cool when they took us and our dogs out hunting for fresh dolphin and monkey meat.

Anyways, then these even smarter aliens came along and they made our alien masters their pets.

'Cause to the even smarter aliens, our alien masters were like smart animals, with way more powerful senses and better instincts and brute stength, but only capable of understanding what amounts to "simple" commands with their limited intelligence.

And its turns out that the even smarter aliens were just the pets of an even smarter bunch of aliens, who were even worse off in the physical world, with pitifully weak senses and barely any strength at all, almost entirely blind to the nitty gritty details of the universe, but way the hell more powerful on the mental side of things.

Intelligent wisps of highly organized time-space energy patterns that simple animals like us could only understand from their actions as themes of nature like "things tend to come in threes" and "when it rains it pours."

And I think that those guys might just be the pets of something even more vague and less physical with even greater understanding, something beyond my capacity to imagine.

But then at some point, those intelligences approach total understanding of the universe, and they seem to just become a part of nature itself, they might let everything happen the way it wants to happens, 'cause they understand why it should happen that way, or it may happen however they want it to happen, but there's not a lot of difference between those two things, from our perspective.

And that's exactly the kinda shit that my dog deals with for me, 'cause he can detect and appreciate all that natural stuff better than I can, and he understands nature and masters it better than I do.

So those guys are sorta like his pets, I guess.

Anyways, that's why you shouldn't kick a dog, y'know, 'cause that shit will keep flowing downhill throughout the multiverse until eventually some aliens with pissed off bosses will show up and shoot ya with lasers or something.

But at the same time, its okay to punch an alien whenever you get bit by a pissed off dog, 'cause that shit will end up biting the dog in the ass somehow eventually.

Well, if there were any aliens around to punch.

Which there ain't, 'cause them big headed bastards ain't dumb enough to hang around within punching range.

So I guess we gotta just punch the dog whenever he bites us, and act as the shore that the negative shit of the universe from the nature side of the wheel smacks into and reverses itself against, going back up the wheel the same way it came.

And our alien masters ain't really getting away with anything, 'cause they're on the other end of the ocean, shooting their bosses with their lasers or something whenever they get kicked around, but never bothering us.

Unless there's a bunch of guys in the middle that are kicking whatever shit comes at them back the way it came and leaving some natural section of the circle free of punches and bites and lasers.

Man, that would suck, 'cause that would mean we're on a shitty stretch of road, filled with biting dogs that we have to kick and alien masters that get to live bruise-free existences.

But its not all biting and kicking, y'know, there's a good side to things, there's a silver lining, there's love and affection shared between a pet and his master, too, y'know, nature is always trying to kill me and my dog, but it provides us with tasty dolphins and monkeys to eat.

And so our alien masters are missing out on how fun it is to pet our fur and have us lick their gross-ass alien faces, or some shit like that.

So we're caught somewhere between the forces of nature and biting dogs and having to lick alien faces, I guess.

Goddam our spot on the wheel of the multiverse sucks.

No comments: