Monday, April 21, 2008

The Adventurer's Supply Shop

"First off, you need to carry this piece of cheese in your pocket, in case you run into a troll and you need to do the old bet-you-can't-squeeze-water-from-a-stone trick to scare 'em off."


"But don't let the knowledge of that cheese in your pocket make you get all slack and over-confident, you can't drop your guard, you gotta stay frosty, y'know, there's plenty of trolls out there that ain't gonna fall for that trick anymore, and trolls tell each other stories, too, and some of them stories even got tricks for dealing with adventurers like us."


"So you gotta keep your eyes open for funny business."


"But not too open, see, 'cause there's all sorts of critters like cockatrices and basilisks and gorgons that'll turn you to stone if you ain't careful where you are putting your eyes."


"That's what you need this here mirror for, see, 'cause its safe to look at their reflection in a mirror."

"Or you could use the mirror to make them look at themselves and turn themselves into stone too, right?

"No that don't work."

"Oh okay."

"Its got to do with the way the eyeball magicks works, see, if they could turn themselves into stone by looking at themselves in a mirror, then you wouldn't be safe looking at 'em in a mirror either."

"Ah alright."

"See, its like, one way or the other, y'know. You just gotta use the mirror to get up close and give 'em a chop with your axe. One good chop will do the trick just fine."

"Yah, I get it. What about wolves?"

"Oh don't you worry about wolves none, its all the Little Red Riding Hoods wanting to get married out there that are gonna get you in the end of those stories, trust me, just lookit the way my hands shake now, I couldn't shoot an arrow straight to save my life."

"Ah okies."

"You don't wanna end your days selling shite to adventurers in a shop like this, do ye?"

"Haha no!"

"Yah don't you be a fool and settle for anything like that when there's plenty of virgin princesses out there with huge tracts of land in need of rescue from hungry dragons and witches and whatnot."

"Ah, right right."

"And I know this is heavy, but you need this special helmet I made, with these breathing-pipes sticking out the top, see?"


"That's to keep you from drowning if you find any ponds full of nymphs."

"Ah sweet."

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