The Size of Your Hat

You ever think about how a sperm is the same shape as a brain and spinal column?

Well, you know that your brain and spinal column are actually just one big thing, right?

Yah, its not two pieces, your brain has a tail.

And your nervous system fans out from there, like a million little tails, whipping all your body's other organs into action to make you walk around.

You ever seen a really little kid, learning to walk, how they wobble, how it looks kinda like a dolphin standing on its tail in the water?

Yah, everything we do kinda seems like it could've evolved and been refined into more complicated actions from that simple whipping tail swimming action we did when we were little spermies, y'know, lurch forward and grab the bottle of scotch, fall down like a stunned fish with yer arms and legs twitching at yer sides, its almost spooky when you think about it!

And did you ever think about how your body is actually like a glove that protects your brain from a hostile environment so you can move around on the earth and pick shit up and do stupid experiments?

Sorta like how the egg protects a sperm once it climbs behind the steering wheel?

Well, here's some fun facts.

Male sperm are better swimmers.

Yep, fifty percent more of us win the egg race.

Then again, we don't survive to birth as much.

Yep, we're fifty percent worse at that game.

And we're fifty percent lighter than female babies when we're born.

Uh huh.

And we don't live as long even when we do survive birth.

Mebbe that's 'cause we're more cerebral and sperm-focused, and not environmental-bodysuit egg-focused.

Okay, I know this is like that Sherlock Holmes thing where the size of yer hat determines how smart you are, but that just it makes even more fun to do heh.

Disclaimer: I know some people get really grossed out when I talk about how we're actually inside these creepy slithering brain-bugs with dangling eyeballs that drink huge amounts of blood and dominate a bunch of other organisms who could be kept alive separately, they're the same people who eat their own fingernails because they don't want to lose a piece of their soul, so if yer one of them, all you have to do is not think about how its actually these little nerve-worms wriggling inside the soft lip-flesh attached to a skull that yer feeling when yer kissing somebody's on Valentines day and you'll be all good.