Fresh Helicopter Stories

Back when I was a kid, there used to be this TV show called Air Wolf.

I can't even pretend to remember what it was all about, but the bits of my seven-year old brain that are still intact and operational tell me it featured this cool-looking futuristic helicopter with jet engines and a killer whale paintjob that solved mysteries and stuff by shooting missiles at things.

I think the guy who flew the helicopter was some kinda hermit who lived in a cave in the mountains with a pet bear or a monkey that knew sign language or an old indian that could suck the poison out of a snakebite, I know my mom liked the show and I'm pretty sure she's not a huge helicopter fan so there musta been more to it than I can remember.

Anyway, whenever I think of something that would be really challenging to write about, I always think about that Air Wolf show, and I imagine how hard it would be to be the poor guy that wanted to write critically acclaimed comedy-romance stories but had to write a brand new "helicopter solves mystery" story every week instead.

And y'know, it can't have too much helicopter innit, 'cause helicopter scenes cost money, I mean, ideally, you'd have to think up something where they can just use that canned footage they got of the helicopter lifting off and flying over a field and shooting its missiles and stuff.

Its not too bad when you only have to come up with one story, I mean, right off the bat, I know I could waste an entire episode on the Indian that sucked poison out of a snakebite.

Its when you have to come up with ten or thirteen or twenty of the damn things that it really starts to burn.

I dunno, I s'pose mebbe you could muscle through it if you got drunk enough that you didn't feel anything, but then you'd still have to edit the shit to make sure it fit the requirements once you sobered up, and that's like spending twice the time fucking around in helicopter city.

I mean, c'mon, seriously, that's only one step up from having to rewrite scripts written by seven-year-old helicopter-enthusiasts.

"Think the poor kids gonna be kinda bummed out when he sees that his awesome sky armada battle sequence has been replaced with the good-ole shitbird Air Wolf Shoots Missiles shot."

Well, whatever, I think forcing people to write helicopter stories has the makings of a pretty effective interrogation technique heh.