Twist Endings

"Hey, this ain't one of them things with a twist ending where it turns out that I was a ghost the whole time, is it?"

"Naw."

"Sweet, I hate those ones. They have no replay value, y'know?"

"Yah."

"Hey, you ain't a ghost, are you? This isn't a twist on that twist ending thing where I'm a ghost, is it? Where I think I might be a ghost the whole time, but then it turns out that everybody else was a ghost?"

"Naw."

"Sweet, that woulda totally freaked me out. Ghosts are some spooky shit."

"Yah."

"Hey, this ain't gonna turn out to be a dream, is it?"

"Naw."

"Good, I had an english teacher who woulda pulled out one of my eyeballs if I was ever in one of those ones where the dude wakes up at the end and goes oh thank god it was just a dream."

"Yah, me too."

"So this isn't gonna have any kind of twist ending, then? Not sensory deprivation tanks or mirages or flashbacks or memory loss or one of those ones where I turn out at the end to be an unreliable narrator because I'm insane or I'm in a coma or I'm on an operating table or under the control of psychics or anything? No twist ending at all?"

"Naw."

"How can I be sure you ain't lying? Maybe the twist ending is that you're the unreliable one or something! Maybe the twist ending is that there actually isn't a twist ending!"

"That would be pretty goddam cheesy, even for me."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, even for you? Oh man, I knew it! You just couldn't resist that twist ending shit. So what's it this time? Oh man, its not one of those alien anal probe ones, is it? I'm pretty sure you already did one of those!"

"Naw, no anal probes, that's totally Last Friday, man."

"Hey, I don't think you should make fun of alien abduction people, y'know, that's not nice."

"Yah."

"Plus they're obviously all fucking crazy and dangerous and shit ahaha."

"Ahaha yah."

"Ah, see, look, I made you laugh, so could you please not kill me or do anything horrible and embarassing to me in this one?"

"Yah, sure, I guess. But it's just gonna be that much worse for you next time, y'know, I can't have people thinking I'm going all soft and shit. Gotta maintain my unpredictability and stuff, you know how it is."

"Yah, that sucks, but thanks for giving me a break for once. Hey, can I kill you and embarass the shit out of you in one these stupid things someday?"

"Naw, it can't work like that."

"Why not? Seems like that'd be a fucking great twist ending!"

"Wouldn't be anybody to type it up afterwards."

"Oh, I think I could do the job."

"You'd have to fix all the typos and mispellings and shit too..."

"Oh."

"Yah."

"Okay, fuck that. Just go ahead and punch me in the nuts to death or whatever."