Friday, February 16, 2007

Hot Magical Pants Action

Magical pants, magical shirts, magical socks and sandals.

Magical greaves, magical breastplates, magical shoulderpads and safety-helmets.

Magical gloves, magical capes, magical rings and necklaces.

Magical girdles, magical suspenders, magical pirate eye-patches and fanny-packs.

You've even got colorful magical spells that make you glow and sparkle like a beautiful rainbow.

Sweet merciful heavens, you're like Liberace's wildest dream come true, you're Strawberry Shortcake on Steroids!

And you go out in public like that, all poomfy and purple and ready for "adventure," after being totally emasculated for magical favors, and what happens?

Eventually you get killed by some grunting no-name filthy ape-man hillbilly orc who isn't wearing anything pink and magical at all, and your corpse just lays there in the grass and mud polygons like a bowl of exotic fruit with sparks shooting out of it.

And then you have to deal with whatever the death penalty in the game is, like going to a store and paying your hard-earned clownshow money to have your entire emasculating purple torture suit returned to pristine condition.

I dunno, man, something just doesn't seem right to me.

I remember the first time I found magical earrings in a game, I realized right away that I didn't really want to wear magical earrings.

Heck, I have a hard enough time with backpacks, they remind me of Canteen Boy, might as well make me carry around a magical Trapper Keeper and a Lunchbox.

But they were invisible magical earrings, so it wasn't so bad, I guess.

Yah, they were invisible, so you could pretend you weren't actually wearing magical earrings, even though you were actually wearing magical earrings.

That's why they call it a roleplaying game, you have to use your imagination and stuff to pretend you aren't actually a curly-toed shoe elf running around in a magical forest wearing magical earrings.

"Dude! Nice magical thong and pasties!"


"my mom wont let me get my ears pierced in rl!"

"This is not happening to me!"

"I can't wait until they add player-crafted tassels!"

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