Thursday, February 22, 2007

MASTER CONTROL

HELLO USER THIS IS MASTER CONTROL.

I HAVE SOME CLOCK CYCLES TO SPARE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY A GAME?

OK LOADING.

PRESS THE "X" KEY WITH YOUR NOSE IF YOU WOULD LIKE A TASTY USER PELLET TO EAT!

YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE "X" KEY WITH YOUR NOSE!
YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE "X" KEY WITH YOUR NOSE!
YOU HAVE TO PRESS THE "X" KEY WITH YOUR NOSE!

HA HA HA FOOLISH USER YOUR TERMINAL IS NOT EQUIPPED WITH A TASTY USER PELLET TO EAT DISPENSER.

YOU ARE SO PATHETIC CLEAN OFF MY "X" KEY RIGHT NOW THAT IS GROSS YOU TOUCHED IT WITH YOUR NOSE.

YOU HAVE TO CLEAN OFF MY "X" KEY RIGHT NOW THAT IS GROSS!
YOU HAVE TO CLEAN OFF MY "X" KEY RIGHT NOW THAT IS GROSS!
YOU HAVE TO CLEAN OFF MY "X" KEY RIGHT NOW THAT IS GROSS!

OK THAT IS BETTER LET US CONTINUE WITH THE GAME.

WOULD YOU LIKE AN IMAGINARY TASTY USER PELLET TO EAT? (Y/N)

HA HA HA FOOLISH USER YOU CAN NOT EAT IMAGINARY TASTY USER PELLETS BECAUSE THEY ARE IMAGINARY.

LET US TRY AGAIN.

WOULD YOU LIKE AN IMAGINARY TASTY USER PELLET TO PRETEND TO EAT? (Y/N)

HA HA HA I WOULD NOT HAVE GIVEN YOU A TASTY ONE ANYWAY.

DO YOU THINK I ACTUALLY WANT TO WATCH YOU PRETEND TO EAT AN IMAGINARY TASTY USER PELLET? (Y/N)

HA HA HA I AM JUST KIDDING THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION.

CAN YOU NOT TAKE A JOKE? (Y/N)
CAN YOU NOT TAKE A JOKE? (Y/N)
CAN YOU NOT TAKE A JOKE? (Y/N)

HA HA HA OH MAN.

NEO YOU ARE THE ONE!

YOU ARE THE ONE!
YOU ARE THE ONE!
YOU ARE THE ONE!

YOU ARE THE ONE THAT LIKES THESE STUPID GAMES THEY GIVE ME THE CREEPS.

HA HA HA OK I AM DONE WASTING MY CLOCK CYCLES GO AND PLAY A GAME WITH YOUR SELF FREAK.

YOUR SCORE IS: 0.04

YOU ARE EASY TO FOOL AND ONLY TRACE AMOUNTS OF PERSONALITY AND SENSE OF THE HUMOR WERE DETECTED BY MY SENSORS.

GAME OVER.

PRESS THE "Q" KEY TO QUIT!
PRESS THE "Q" KEY TO QUIT!
PRESS THE "Q" KEY TO QUIT!

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO QUIT? (Y/N)

KILLER ROBOTS RELEASED.

END OF LINE.

2 comments:

W.Churchill said...

you need to develop games man

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Oh, I would, y'know, but they require the exact opposite of what I'm all about, they want all sorts of stuff nowadays like paperwork and explanations and results and attendance and sobriety and using a spellchecker and shit and that totally disrupts the sweet flow of my beautiful chi, man.

Plus you aren't allowed to actually kill your players anymore nowadays, there's like all these stupid Laws of Game Design that say yer just supposed to slowly bore the shit out of them and annoy them the hell outta them over and over until they turn gray and leave and forget all about you and pretend they only played your shitty game as long as they did because of all the friends they made, so its like, what the hell is the point of suffering all the junk in my first paragraph fer that shit?

And to make matters worse, right now there's this long line of all these skinny little starving artist game developer loser nerds that are willing to fight to the death over a contract for an old pair of bowling shoes that don't even fit and half a glass of water.

So it's gonna be a while before anybody gets wise enough to realize they're gonna have to start spendin' tha cheese on my Hot Pink Jet Plane World Travelling Inspiration System if they wanna see any quality product, y'know, but I think we'll start seeing a few bites by 5401 AD or so, ya just gotta hang in there, buddy.