Speaking of Hats

Back in the old days, folks used to wear hats.

Yah I know, if I see a girl in a hat nowadays, I'm all like "whoah, look-out, bat-shit crazy hat chick!"

Bat-shit crazy hat chicks can be good sometimes, though, y'know, don't get me wrong, its just hard to sleep next to one when ya gotta worry all night about how she's gonna murder you.

Yah, I know there's two kinds of bat-shit crazy hat chicks, the Baby Jane Frilly Socks Dollhouse ones, and the Creative Artist kind, but you'll still end up with the exact same frazzled nerves and dark circles under yer eyes, either way.

Anyways, back in the old days, folks used to wear hats.

Yah, and they wouldn't be caught out in public without one.

And it wasn't a fashion thing, or fear of ultraviolet radiation, or anything fancy like that.

Well, not for the guys, at least.

Naw, see, it was much more clever than that.

Okay, imagine an old black and white picture with a gang of smiling moustache guys standing next to one of those old-fashioned cars.

Yah, let's say there's like nine guys standing there, in the picture.

And they're all dressed up, suits and hats, some of 'em even have fancy canes and umbrellas.

Only one of them isn't wearing a hat (and he probably doesn't have a suit jacket on, either, he's in his shirt sleeves with a vest).

Right away you know he's a servant or a butler or a gardener or something, even though you don't know anything about the Mandatory Hat Era, its just automatic, proof of genetic knowledge or something.

See, that's why you had to wear a hat, folks who didn't have a hat, and folks who forgot their hat at home, had to do all the shit-work.

"Well, I'd change the tire, but, y'know, I'm all dressed up and shit."