Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Sweet and Soulful

I'm a WKRP in Cincinnati kinda guy.

I'm a Barney Miller kinda guy.

Not a Friends or Beverly Hills 90210 kinda guy, even though I got some buddies that eat that stuff up, and it makes me laugh that they like that stuff, and that definitely don't make me like 'em any less.

But I like Sanford and Son better.

I was born in the 70s, and went to kindergarten in the early 80s, and the first president I knew of was Ronald Reagan, so I don't know who to blame for the way I am (heh), but I really got no stomach for American Idol type stuff, its nothing personal, its just that that's a bunch of intolerable New Kids on the Block crap, to me, y'know?

That's like somebody telling me that lounge singers and British Food is good, or that we should waste a time machine trip on the 50s.

I'd rather go to the 20s or the anytime after Lost in Space or the Forbidden Planet came out.

I need texture.

I ain't really got any stomach for all that dramatic vampire stuff either, I drink beer and fart and laugh about it just like everybody else, I'm a wolfman, baby.

So, saying all that, I'm pretty weird, I guess *rolls his one good eye* and I don't really get why people would wanna do things the way they do most things.

Why you'd wanna be "professional and serious" and take part in a gaming industry that was modelled on the way SOE does stuff, or whatever.

'Cause you don't have to do it that way.

Why ain't there any WKRP in Cincinnatis of the gaming industry?

There's tons of Less Nessmans and Herb Tarleks and Venus Flytraps out there man.

Heck, half the Loni Andersons out there are actually Less Nessmans and Herb Tarleks ahaha.

So what's with everything being so 80s?

Is it because y'all live in Texas and its still the 80s over there?

Are you the guys that are keeping Bon Jovi in business?

Goddam it must be just like Rockford Illinois or something AHAHA.

Dude, the 80s were kinda fake and cheesy, y'know?

I mean, there was some good stuff, like the A-Team and Night Rider and Tron and Sledge Hammer, but the rest of it was pretty sad, actually ahaha.

I wonder if its 'cause of the hair band metal guys at Id.

Y'know, 'cause they were like, death metal nerds, and I have the sneaking suspicion that they started some cultural thingie where all the rest of the nerds think they needed to be death metal nerds to be cool and get laid or something, which arrested the cultural development of the region and sorta froze things into the way they were in the 80s.

Most people don't really live long enough, once they go down the death metal nerd road, to realize that Panterra ain't really all that and a bag of chips *winky-wink* ahaha.

The folks who start out liking Panterra might eventually go into that soft metal ballad crap eventually, when they get older and "more sensitive," but that's about as conscious and enlightened as they're ever get, y'know?


I dunno what it is, but the whole gaming industry thingie seems so soulless and morbid and unpleasant to me, somehow, sorta like that, like Robots from the 80s or something.

Y'know, there's like nobody that likes pancakes and the occasional John Denver tune and shit heh.

That's what I think is wrong with the art of the whole thing.

The 80s wasn't really known for its art and attention to craft and detail and texture and shit, s'like, 90% of the stuff people wore and carried around with them and half the furniture in the 80s was made out of plastic heh.

And the 90s were like the 80s minus the ballsiness and energy that made Cameo some cool ass shit ahaha.

Here's one of those places where Raph really shines, though, 'cause he's some cheesy ass WKRP in Cincinnati shit, alright.

Heck, he's from the 1800s or something, actually.

That's why it bugs me when I see him "trying to fit in" ahaha.

I mean, he's better than that, his folk songs and poems and all that Tiny Tim shit he's self conscious of, that's what makes him cool, y'know?

Dude, look for a video of Tiny Tim when he was young, standing next to anybody else from his time period, some hair-oil dweeb that was representative of what was "cool and appropriate at the time," some shmuck that you can compare him to, and then you tell me that Tiny Tim don't look exactly like a Time Traveling Archaeologist from the future singing his favorite songs from the distant past or something ahaha.

Well, whatever, I didn't really mean to pick on Raph and make him look all freaky, I was actually trying to explain how cool he was AHAHA.

Anyways, that's why I'm not really into the whole "game industry" thingie, its all so Orwellian and soulless and shit.

And I think it'd be easier for you guys to detect that, in the junk that came out of it, if it wasn't all made by a bunch of dudes who drank too much pop before hitting the old 3d Studio Max ahaha.

That's really all that's making it colorful and somewhat cheerful, sometimes, I think, the abuse of caffeinated beverages and shit, y'know?

Take one of those poor mopes with the shaved head and the dirty prison jumpsuits from 1984, prop his skinny ass up in a chair, pour coffee on him until he starts smiling and tapping his feet, and then make him do 3d Studio Max shit so we'll have plenty of unicorn tentacles to ride on!

Its so sad and soulless really, its like the way the Emperor from Warhammer 40k ate psychics or some shit ahaha.

And I think that's at the heart of the art problem, the heart of the weakness of the medium, really, there's nothing to be sympathetic toward, just crayons rubbed on paper over skin and bones and nastiness wrapped in colored plastic for merchandising percentages, really, its so starved and beaten to death that's its barely sentient and human anymore.

No WKRP in Cincinnati to it.

This is all part of that thing where the folks who are the loudest and most romantic about a thing prolly ain't never actually seen it for real, ain't it?

Man, I hate that one ahaha.

That's not that damn Nietzsche again, izzit?

Sounds like something he'd think.

Goddam I hate that guy ahaha.

Anyways, screw that Texas stuff, and I don't even wanna hear about California and what kind of tea the endless misty gray-ass of Oregon gently weeps, wake me up when one of you guys move that whole "game industry" down there out of the 80s and into something more like WKRP in Cincinnati, that shit oughta be in Boulder Colorado or somewhere cool like that, y'know, Mork from Ork knew what the shit he was doing when he landed his suspendered ass there AHAHA.

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