Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Sarah Connor: Militiawoman

I get as far as the "sexual inadequates" bit in that quote, and then I get stuck on the idea of sexual "adequacy."

What the hell is "sexually adequacy" all about?

You'd have to be twisted up like a pretzel to have something like that roll out of your head, man.

Is "Adequate" better or worse than "Satisfactory" on a report card?

And what we all really wanna know is how much is Adequate in inches? AHAHA.

I guess what he's implying is that the measure of a man is in how much he can please a woman, and the best we can hope to achieve is a score of "adequate" in that department, so he's like, kissing some serious dominatrix butt so that MAYBE those stone cold insane taskmistress biatches will be more receptive to being persuaded on his next point, which is that he doesn't want women to vote for that Sexy Alaskan Gun-Toting Book Banning Church Lady MILF ahaha.

See, the real problem is that a lot of us dudes LOVE yummy Four-Eyed Inga the Nasty Warden with Beehive Hairdo chicks like that, I don't think intelligent women got anything to do with that problem AHAHA.

Dude, I'm totally attracted to chicks that I hate, y'know, somebody that makes me feel good when I treat her terrible AHAHAHA.

And that whole "adequacy" thing is just sad in so many ways, that's the soulless dry-humping robots-bumping-their-parts-together kinda stuff that makes ET turn pale and die, man.

Dude I've seen chicks melt in ways that are so humiliating for them that they will NEVER be able to talk about it in public and I AM TERRIBLE in bed y'know its like I don't give a shit WHAT the other person gets out of the deal man it actually bugs me when they have too much fun y'know and there comes a time when its every man for HIMSELF baby if I could get it over with in two seconds I'd be SMILING ALL THE TIME I mean c'mon seriously folks who can't please themselves can't please nobody y'know the best somebody like that could hope for is fooling somebody as well as they can fool themselves AHAHA.

And I don't think anybody's gonna be able to overcome that problem if they ain't willing to get dirty enough to recognize it either.

As far as racism goes, we got all forty-seven flavors of beautiful women in this country, all this awesome food from all over the place, and all these different kinds of world-traveling comedians and storytellers and free thinkers and adventurers from distant lands to hang out with, out here on the frontier at the very edge of the Old World.

It takes way the hell too much energy to try to remain ignorant about how great that is forever and ever.

Not that folks ain't got a right to complain and shit, y'know, we wouldn't have gotten as far as we have without complaining, I'm just saying that mebbe we shouldn't forget that there's some cause for celebration, too.

Look at the dudes in second place, y'know, we definitely ain't pefect or anything, and we still got a lot of room for improvement, but we're a thousand miles ahead of those motherfuckers heh.

Well, actually, if we're talking about Australia and New Zealand, then we're actually not that far ahead, we're celebrating 80 years of women being able to vote, and Australia has had that for over a hundred.

But we're still doing pretty good y'know ahaha.

Australia's only a little over a hundred years old, y'know, they formed a country and gave women the right the vote the next year, 'cause they were a bunch of escaped convicts trapped on an island with no women and they needed to attract some, so its not really fair to compare them to us guys that had to live through all the stupid parts that came before that AHAHA.

I'm a little jealous of the way their founding fathers were cool pirates and shit insteada sexually uptight cracker-ass pilgrims with buckles on their shoes y'know but whatever that just shows you how far we've come heh.

I'm not big on politics, y'know, I'm still waiting for an American Indian to run for president, I dunno how long that's gonna take.

Dude, a smoking hot American Indian Chick with the long black hair hanging down that shit would be awesome man I mean c'mon seriously!

If I ever run for president that's what I'm picking for a VP y'know you sizzlechested bitches can eat my blonde-eyed blue-haired dust baby I'm going right over your heads like a rocket all the way to the TOP man ahaha.

And not only would I legalize pot, I'd make sure that everybody in America grew the best pot that the world had ever seen, so we could make tons of money selling it to all them know-it-all sweater-wearing shmucks who were too scared to leave the Old Countries AHAHA.

Yah see, this is exactly why I should just stay the hell away from politics, I'm not really centrist, I'm like an omnidirectional extremist or something ahaha.


Jeff Freeman said...

Is "Adequate" better or worse than "Satisfactory" on a report card?

Well, they both beat "a call to 911 for effort".

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

"Hey, this isn't a report card! Its a restraining order!"

Sundry Chicken said...

While waiting for fresh cut mangos do NOT engage a vacationing doctor in idle chatter and learn about the medical dangers of viagra and the methods used to remedy the problem.

Seriously man, running a fever here and you're making so much and so little sense that it's making me laugh and need to curl up in a ball and simply go stark raving insane and like starting writing my congressman about why rose bushes sing the national anthem, but get the words wrong in order to subvert our society. For that reason poultry farms and egg shells must be tightly controlled in order to restrict rose bush access to the extra nutrients and calcium found within. Otherwise we're just sowing the seeds of our own destruction, ya dig.

Maybe in Japan it's both a report card AND restraining order. Double-sided, like. I seen some of that crazy art one time. That's how it's got to be.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park.

Jeff Freeman said...

It's doesn't need to be double-sided.

"100 feet? Is that all? Oh, I thought I did much better than that!"