Got My Eyes On YOU, Pal

There's this thing lately with people telling us that the "world is watching us as Americans to see what we'll do" or something.

I don't like it.

Dude, nobody is watching me.

And there's definitely nobody watching all the crazy hillbillies in the woods, that's why we're afraid to go in there.

And even if there was somebody watching me, they oughta be watching those crazy hillbillies in the woods so that we won't have to be afraid to go in there no more.

Dude, I bet the rest of the world is just trying to goad us into watching them back with that "we're watching you" stuff.

Well, you know how they're always getting all mad at us for not paying any attention to them and being ignorant of where they are located on maps and shit!

Watching them, watching us, watching them, yah man, that'd be a huge waste of time, that's why the rest of world ain't doing anything worth watching, they're too busy watching everybody else, if we fell fer that, then nobody would be doing anything worth watching, it'd be like a French Apocalypse of Nothing Happening or something, what with everybody sitting there, sipping coffee, watching each other watch each other!

Plus watching people is just snoopy and creepy and disrespectful.

That's why I'm proud to maintain my ignorance in all these matters, I consider it my patriotic and sacred duty as an American to conform to the highest standards of excellence in ignorance, I'm not willing to sink to everybody's elses dishonorable level, snooping on each other and invading each other's privacy and treating everybody like shit and rumor mongering and filling the world with jealousy and hate, no matter what it may cost me in Geography-related points on Gameshows, somebody has to maintain some integrity around here and quit cannibalizing the less fortunate in a never-ending illustration of our personal superiority while we smoke cigarettes and try to get laid!

Or whatever, y'know, what do I care, really ahaha.