Pirates Versus Ninjas

I've realized that I don't actually "get" the Pirate versus Ninja thingie.

It can't really be all about who would win in a fight.

I mean, was there ever a Pirate who could fight?

I musta missed something if there was.

Now, Ninja versus Samurai, there's a gooding fighting one.

Y'know, unscrupulous assassin versus honorable guy, both of them super disciplined and masters of their own individual martial art forms.

But Ninja versus Pirate?

Its not about who would win in a fight, right?

Its about who is better.

Like, who you'd rather hang out with.

Then its Pirates, no question.

Not a lot of "personality" in the Ninja world.

Except for the Ask a Ninja guy.

Ninjas just ain't all that and a bag of chips on the party scene.

Neither are Samurai, actually.

Samurai would probably actually lose to Ninjas on the party scene.

I think Ninjas can dance pretty good, though.

'Cause of all that martial arts stuff.

Prolly better than Pirates, actually, if Ninjas weren't so shy and stuff, y'know, compared to a Pirate.

Ninjas are wallflowers, man.

But that's 'cause they're all into "fading away into the night" and all that stealth and evasion and the "art" of avoiding confrontations.

They don't get a lot of practice being a social butterfly.

Plus they're usually type A personalities, perfectionists with all sorts of weird self esteem issues, so they really can't handle rejection too well.

When things don't go right for a Ninja they don't know how to play it off all smooth, it gets all jarring and awkward and embarrassing for them, and hilarious for everybody else.

Where Pirates don't give a shit, Pirates are all missing teeth and eyeballs and limbs and hair and stuff but that doesn't stop 'em from asking your wife to dance.

There's prolly a lot of 40 year old virgin Ninjas, y'know?

I feel sorry for the Ninjas, actually.

All that hard work in seclusion, perfecting special "kicks" and "eyeball attacks" and the "finger of death" and all the other Ninja Arts and junk, and its like, for what?

That ain't gonna help you get any Daisy Dukes or Trailer Park Chicks or Waitresses or anything, man.

You gotta build up your resistance to the exact opposite of all that Ninja junk to get some of that action, y'know?

That's Pirate stuff.

So Pirate Versus Ninja, from the perspective of a Pirate, is all about who you'd want to party with.

Where Pirate Versus Ninja, from the perspective of a Ninja, is all about who would win in a fight.

'Cause that's all those poor little guys know about.

Its so sad, really.

Especially if there's some chance that a Pirate might actually beat a Ninja in a fight on top of everything else, y'know?