Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Cash Register Noises

So we need a few servers if you wanna do it right.

Yah yah, authentication, chat, game, database, web, meh.

If we can get a couple hundred thousand people to give us one dollar a month for an account in the Soon To Be Formerly Known As the Nailgun Monkey Online Universe, Where Players Matter, that's ten grand a piece per month for a team of twenty, man.

Or five grand a month each for a team of forty.

Convert a few of those "guys" on the team into servers and bandwidth (or people willing to host all that crap for a cut of the profits) and I'll still have way more cigarettes and drinks than I need on the tropical island.

And that's with a free client.

And if we charged two dollars a month... I doubt my liver would last long enough to really enjoy it.

Dude, with that kinda money, I could hire Richard Bartle to haul me around in a wheelbarrow.

Let alone ten bucks a month, where you'd only need to get twenty thousand people who were into it to be back at where I was at the beginning of this with two hundred thousand people.

And two hundred thousand people is like, a sucky game, man, we could do way better than that, our game has zero barrier to entry, lower machine specs than WoW, and its like, way the hell more in touch with the masses of Planet Earth than that Night Elf crap, our game is the masses.

Plus we can have Night Elfs innit, if we want *cha-ching*

With a scandalously delicious Nude Mode Pay-to-Activate Toggle *cha-ching* and a Jiggly Torso Sexpansion Pack *cha-ching cha-ching* made in Germany *cha-ching cha-ching cha-ching*

And if we take a chunk of our change and do random "golden ticket" Lucky Looter Lotteries (which is okay to do as long as we're located on a tropical island, right?) and give out prize money (or jobs) to the users who created the highest rated content every month, we're talking about a license to print money, baby.

Its like a Dread Pirate Roberts Online pyramid scheme or something heh.

Dude we better find a HUGE-ass tropical island for this, we're gonna have to take turns standing on dry land and treading water, there ain't gonna be no room to have any fun ahaha.

All we need is somebody we can all trust like Sunsword to write up some kinda contract that'll make sure you bastards don't screw me out of my Nailgun Monkey Online t-shirt, action figure, pet sweater, electric blanket, and collectible pewter pencil sharpener merchandizing money and I'll get to work putting the thing together.

Oh, we don't need Dundee, man, I'm just gonna steal his whole thing, he didn't sign nothing, sucker.

Oh, okay, maybe I'll hire him as a playtester and let him add his stupid little superhero photoshop thingies to my game, we need some "starter" content so people don't feel like they just wasted a dollar or something.

But I get to punch him in the back while he's trying to work whenever I want.


Bonedead said...

Hey I'll do a lot of things for a little bit of money, budday.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

I WISH I had somebody to pimp you OUT to holmes but there just ain't nobody WANTS themselves a PIECE of that creepy crawly Pauly Shore ACTION of yours no more you know my CLIENTELE don't wannna watch somebody they gotta feel PITY for they wanna have themselves a GOOD TIME and get somebody thats gonna make 'em feel GOOD to be ALIVE ahaha.

Jeffool said...

Hell, why bother with using Freeman's setup at all? All you have to do is set up a wiki and ask people to add game data for you. People are suckers for Wikis. Just create a format for everyone and watch it balloon with information overnight! No searching needed, just ping the wiki for the item and the info needed. Boom. Done.

Hell, call it a public service, let other people use it, and call it mudpit.org!

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Since you need a database (for writing OUT game related persistence-type stuff, like storing you character's level and inventory and crap like that), you might as well just build a nice and tidy front end for it that makes it easy for folks to steal content from all over the place and take credit for it, potentially earning themselves some status and notoriety in the game world and winning some cash and valuable prizes in the process.

That might sound evil but its really no different than anything else in any of the different entertainment-related industries, I mean, if people use Metaplace to build rip-offs of other things (which they will), and Raph just throws up his hands and says (well, its user-generated content, we're not responsible for that), then I can do it too heh.

Not that I should pick on Raph, since EVERYBODY including all the GAME COMPANIES and BLOGSPOT ITSELF do the exact same thing (even though most of them are smart enough to change Batman's name to something else before taking credit for it heh), but Raph is the only guy I can think of that would really get frustrated by what I just said ahaha.

Jeffool said...

Actually, a database of game-relatable info open to all people to snatch said data from was exactly what I was advocating. I was just saying make it a wiki so that no 'one' person has to bother putting it all in. :D