Sunday, May 18, 2008

Multiversal

Y'all know how a Parallel Universe is created everytime something could've happened a different way, right?

But what you don't usually think about is the way that a Parallel Universe is created everytime you could've just thought something different.

Like the way that some Parallel Universe versions of you don't see what's so funny about that last sentence.

Or how its funny for me to keep making you go back and think about that sentence heh.

And in some Parallel Universes there's even some versions of you who are upset with me for insulting their intelligence or something, whether they get what's so funny about that sentence or not ahaha.

Anyways thought is physical, its juices and electricity squirting up and down different paths in your brain, and it could've squirted around different, and it woulda resulted in totally different thoughts and pictures and whatever.

You may or may not have learned something new already.

Or you mighta forgot something that you didn't forget in a different Parallel Universe.

Or you mighta remembered something wrong, and that might change your whole timeline, if you ever get called upon to use that misremembered information for something important.

There's a separate Parallel Universe for every single thing that every single creature with a brain mighta thought different.

Which is why there's so many Evil Twins out there.

And why your wife shouldn't be so upset when you forget your anniversary or something, 'cause some of your Parallel Universe selves had to forget your anniversary, its a Law of Science heh.

And because we can communicate, all those different Parallel Universes with all those different brains thinking different and interacting contain totally different worlds of thought.

And some guys that get eaten by a bear in one Universe don't get eaten by a bear in another and so they (and the kids that they may or may not have had, due to the way that they may or may not have been "eaten by a bear," those are all out there, too, y'know, both options) would've contributed stuff that doesn't get contributed to the world of thought in another Parallel Universe where they do get eaten by a bear.

Plus the bear might've thought that the guy that he ate was tasty, or not tasty, and that'd make even more Parallel Universes pop up.

Seriously, some of the Parallel Universes are dependent on whether a bear thinks you are tasty or not, and even if the bear don't end up doing anything different physically with that opinion, he's still a different bear, and he may or may not continue to eat more people in the future, depending on how tasty he thought they were, and then those people (and all the kids that they may or may not have) may or may not keep contributing different ideas to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes in which they may or may not be alive.

Plus, when the bear poops the guy out, he might be helping some flowers grow by ferilizing 'em, flowers that wouldn't have grown if the bear hadn't digested the guy and pooped him out in that specific spot ('cause the bear had to decide where he felt like pooping, and he might've decided different, so there's all those different Parallel Universes too), and those flowers may or may not end up being visited by a bee, and then the bee may or may not think that the nectar in the flower is tasty, and the bee might end up stinging somebody that's allergic to bees and killing 'em 'cause they're so pissed off, and so then that guy may or may not have a chance to be eaten and pooped out by a bear that decided that people are tasty after he ate the first guy.

And the second guy he ate (and all the kids he may or may not have had) may or may not be allowed to continue to contribute to the world of thought in all the different Parallel Universes that he existed in.

And so you may or may not think that I'm just being funny, depending on whether or not you've ever been attacked by a bear or bee in this Parallel Universe or something, but everything has to happen somewhere, unfortunately, 'cause its a Law of Science, y'know.

And every time I'm funny and I make you laugh, there's a Parallel Universe version of me who gets assigned to not being funny, through no fault of his own.

And that Parallel Universe version of me ends up making everybody more and more miserable in his Parallel Universe, 'cause his jokes suck.

Although, there is a Parallel Universe where that unfunny Parallel Universe version of me, no matter how bad his jokes suck, is still funny, just 'cause the Parallel Universe version of you over there doesn't have any taste in jokes, and so that's a happy place.

Even though they probably all still live in caves in that one.

And if they live in caves, they probably get eaten and pooped out by bears and stung by bees a lot more than we do, too.

Which would tend to get the Parallel Universe version of me that has to tell this particular Parallel Universe Bear and Bee joke in trouble with the locals, 'cause that might be like, the only thing that was in bad taste, over there.

Sorry 'bout that, bro.

Anyways, now that I've corrupted all of your minds with thoughts from the world of thought of other Parallel Universes, even just by making you think about how you may or may not be thinking different about different things in different Parallel Universes, I've totally messed things up.

'Cause you might be tempted to start trying to steal all the best results from all the other Parallel Universe versions of yourself, you might start trying to give all those other Parallel Universe versions of yourself (especially the poor shmucks who don't know any better) the short end of the stick, and keep all the good stuff for yourself.

So don't do that.

'Cause they might figure it out and get mad and start doing it back to us!

Or not.

Hmm.

Hey waittaminnit.

Mebbe they figgered it all out a long time ago, and they've been giving the short end of the stick to us all along!

Oh that is it, man, I've had it with this shit, I'm gonna try to write up some jokey thing that will get that know-it-all bastard Parallel Universe version of me that's taking advantage of all of us other versions of me in trouble.

And there's nothing he can do to stop me.

'Cause all I have to do is start trying to do it, and at least one version of me will automatically succeed, right?

'Cause that's a Law of Science.

And its really starting to look like our Parallel Universe is the one that has the Parallel Universe version of me that's gonna be the one who manages to get to the finish line and kick his ass.

'Cause I'm a really sneaky version of me that is so goddam sneaky I can even admit to being sneaky and still get away with it.

Yep, I just finished.

Take that, you bastard.

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