The Summoner

Even though the Wizard had never intended to summon forth a devil, nevertheless, by some miscalculation of his enchantments, perhaps, a devil was summoned forth.

And once summoned and imprisoned by the Wizard's powerful binding magicks, the Wizard could not resist the temptation of conversing with the treacherous creature in order to increase his own understanding and knowledge of secret and forgotten things, for that is the nature of Wizards.

"Slay me not, Wizard, for when one kills another in battle, the burden of sin goes to the Victor, for 'tis he who commited the greatest crime, cutting his enemy's life short and in doing so robbing his enemy of any chance to seek honest redemption in life and atone for his sins!

Therefore 'tis the Victor that must seek atonment in life for himself and for the soul of his slain enemy, and for all those slain by his enemy, and for all those who were slain by those who were slain by his enemy, going back as far as the chain remains unbroken!

'Tis truly a terrible weight for any mortal man to suffer, the souls of so many that were cheated of their place in heaven, waiting for the one that might redeem them and end their torment.

And how those tormented souls will howl with disappointment at your failure, when instead of salvation, they find their hell becoming ever more crowded!

But such a fine meal a killer of men makes for one such as me!

A great chain of broken souls that I might reap with one blow!

And of course I shall never seek to atone for their crimes!"


"I have no intention of slaying you, creature, and I certainly have no intention of allowing you slay me.

And atonement is no lofty treasure reserved for those few who are brave and adventurous enough to seek it, it is more like the sea to which all rivers naturally and eventually flow.

It is hate and evil and insanity that are the unnatural illusionary states which require artifice and great amounts of energy to maintain.

But allowing you to reach a greater understanding of this would make you much less useful to me, at the moment, so let's speak of something else."


"Would you care to hear why your creator allows such unjust things to happen?

Why He allows such evil in His world?

Why He allows brothers to slay brothers, fathers to slay sons?

Why He allows your mothers to strangle their babies?

'Tis the gift of Free Will that is your blessing and your curse!

And how you mortals howl at him to take his gift back!

How you shriek with hate for his greatest gift to you above all other creatures!

Why does he allow you to do these things to each other indeed!

The question is the answer!

And such an appreciation you show for it!"


"The gift of Free Will may be interesting to speak of at another time, but I wish to speak of something else."


"How about the way your creator let's the foolish suffer and fall into traps!

That one always makes me laugh!

How could He allow a devil such as myself to trick a fool into damnation?

How could a just god punish those he created without wit?

Its like there's some sort of intelligence test for salvation!"


"Ah, now that one I can answer for you.

A wise man may indeed be wise enough to avoid the devil's traps and seek his place in heaven.

But 'tis his compassion for those who suffer the devil's traps that make him worthy of heaven, and not the wisdom that allows him to avoid the traps himself.

The wise man is therefore indebted to the fool who suffers so that the wise man has the opportunity to prove his worth.

There is a joke that explains this better, but I'd like to speak of something else first."


"Hmm, go on, ask your stupid question already, fool, I would like to hear your joke."


"Where the hell are my car keys?"


"In the refrigerator, next to the carton of orange juice you keep drinking out of.

It wouldn't hurt your immortal soul to use a glass once in a while, y'know.

Pretty damn gross, son-of-man.

Now tell me your joke!"


"Alright, let me know if you've heard this one before.

A man dies, and Death comes for him, and his soul is neither good nor evil, so Death explains that the man may choose to go to heaven or hell, as he wishes.

Of course the man is pretty sure he'd like to go to heaven, and not hell, but he asks Death if he can see them both first before he makes his decision.

So Death takes the man to hell, and there is a great feasting table, overflowing with all manner of tasty delights, but everyone seated at the table is starving and miserable.

And so the man asks Death why these people don't feed themselves, and Death answers that they don't have elbows, so try as they might, they can't bring the food to their mouths.

So the man says, 'I've seen enough of hell, its pretty much exactly as horrible as I expected it to be, suffering hunger for all eternity at a table full of food with no way to feed yourself.'

So Death takes the man to heaven, and there is a great feasting table, overflowing with all manner of tasty delights, but everyone at this table is all fat and happy and enjoying themselves.

So the man says, 'Ah, so in heaven everyone has elbows!'

And Death says, 'No, but they don't need elbows in heaven, because they have learned to feed each other.'"


"That's a stupid joke.

Its not even funny!

And you shouldn't make fun of folks who don't have elbows, you bastard!

Its a serious problem!

Come back here so I can smash your face for that!

Come back here!

Come on!

Hey, my nose itches!

Okay, I promise I won't smash your face, just come back here, c'mon, the itch is driving me crazy!

Please!

Look, I said PLEASE!

Please come back!

You can't exercise your Free Will and choose to leave me here like this with an itchy nose, its a sin!

I'm telling!

Sinner!

You bastard."