The Demotivator

If you are feeling blue, I know there's one thing that always cheers me right up!

And then there's some other things that don't work so good for me.

But enough about you already, seems to me like we've talked quite enough about you and all your blue feelings already, don't you ever get sick of thinking about yourself and your problems day in and day out?

I know it'd make me feel blue all the time if I had to sit there in that muddy rut of yours and be you thinking about you and your blue feelings all the time!

So let's think about something else.

Let's think about... oh I don't know... let me think... I know it will come to me eventually.... ah!

*snap*

I've got it!

I think I know exactly what to think about!

I can't say that I was actually afraid that it wouldn't come to me eventually!

Well I know I've always been quick as a whistle when I gave myself half a chance!

I really don't know why I ever doubt myself!

It's probably a bit of you rubbing off on me.

Okay, I need you to ready yourself to hear my idea.

I want you to prepare youself, because it's bound to come as quite a shock to you, considering the way you probably think of me as a compassionate and selfless soul who is always reaching out to those less fortunate than myself at my own expense.

Are you ready?

Have you prepared yourself?

Okay.

Let's think about me!

Ah, here I am.

Thinking about me.

Ah, isn't that wonderful!

Well I don't know about you, but I'm certainly starting to feel better already!

Not that I felt bad to start with!

I mean, while thinking about me is certainly splendid and refreshing enough, and having the good fortune to be with me and being able to bask in the considerable warmth and good cheer of my own presence is far more lovely than even the incredible magnitude of my own sublime gift for the language can describe, its my lucky lot in life that I actually get to be me when all is said and done!

Well don't just sit there feeling blue, can't you see how wonderful I'm feeling?

I just don't think you are trying hard enough!

You have to try much harder than that to feel how wonderful I am!

Bah, you are hopeless, I don't know why I even bother with you!