The Return of Captain Bob

I don't think anyone can beat the Arnold J. Rimmer Game Design.

Its not against the law to provide a service and just do it really, really badly.

And I just don't see how anyone could that better than he did.

Its not like you can add sixty million dollars worth of expensive crotch-punching robots or anything, it has to rob and cheat people of every possible little crumb of joy they might take away from it without seeming like its doing it on purpose.

And goddam, if you made enough money off something like that that you and your buddies could escape to a tropical island, what laughs you guys would have at the expense of all the poor fools who got stuck holding all the little baggies filled with your crap!

Sweet merciful heavens!

Me and Old Guy Bob were always talking about doing a Captain Bob's Lost Treasure Scuba Tours or something like it, not so much to make money, y'know, although it'd be nice to be able to make enough money to survive, but just to torture rich people and ruin their vacations and laugh our asses off.

It'd continually run the risk of actually being so funny that it'd be good, though, I mean, its actually pretty hard to do stuff badly on purpose in a way that doesn't end up being really funny to everybody.

"Can you please tell your First Mate, Whatever-His-Name-Is, to use the bathroom like a regular human being instead of relieving himself off the side of the boat?"

"Nar, I don't speak the language of his people, he's Island Folk, and I'm not keen on trying to convey anything complicated and possibly insulting involving that particular organ with the simple hand signals he understands, thar's a danger it'd be misintarpreted and then we'd all be much warse off."

"Well, can you tell him to quit popping his glass eye in and out of his mouth and showing it to my wife? I understand that we all have to be accomodating toward indigenous people with disadvantages and everything but..."

"Arr, I don't think that'd be wise eithar, sar, and that's actually not his glass eye."

Although its kinda weird that lots of people have been able to do stuff really badly in a way that doesn't end up being really funny by actually trying to do something good, y'know?

Its like you run the risk of making something worthless to everybody only if you try to make something good and fail, but if you try to fail and make something worthless on purpose, then you run the risk of making something good for everybody on accident.

Actually, trying to make something good and failing is even worse than worthless to the Creator of the Worthless Thing, 'cause he'll be all whipping on himself for sucking so much.

Unless he turns into a maniac and he refuses to realize that his Worthless Thing is worthless or something, y'know, like "PLAYERS SUCK! THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THE SHEER AWESOMENESS OF MY DESIGN! ITS TOO FAR AHEAD OF ITS TIME! HUMAN BEINGS HAVEN'T EVOLVED ENOUGH TO HANDLE THIS LEVEL OF DEPTH OF QUALITY! AHHH NO NOT THE SNAKES!"

Either way, its really bad for that poor guy heh.

And think about it, what does that poor guy really get if he works his ass off and defeats all the odds and succeeds?

Why, the exact same thing that Captain Bob gets if Captain Bob fails!

Yah, I think I'm gonna just stick with the Captain Bob thing, man.