Thursday, March 15, 2007

Mechanical Trees

Here's a thing with wild ideas for saving the world from Global Warming.

I was just thinking about writing a joke about scientists accidentally putting a little too much spin on the ball and dumping us into an Ice Age, but the reality is kinda funnier.

Plus this article sorta makes me think we should start our own non-profit Stop Global Warming Corporation and ride around in a big fancy boat so we can personally put a stop to that Mean Old Global Warming by dumping all our martini ice cubes in the ocean when we're done with 'em.

Oh sure, that might not seem like much, at first, but by my projections, over the course of thirty years, that's like seven hundred and twenty thousand tons of martini ice, per person, which is enough to cool the temperature of the earth by forty degrees or so.


Setting off an artificial volcano to lower the temperature ain't really funny, 'cause you know what would happen the moment we did it.

A real volcano would erupt and lower the temperature even more.

The Mechanical Trees do paint a pretty fucking funny picture though, jeeze looeeze, uh, what was the problem with them regular old un-mechanical Trees, again?

They too expensive or something?

If we can't stop ourselves from chopping down a stupid old cheap un-mechanical tree, how we gonna stop ourselves from chopping down a super-expensive mechanical one?


I'm not a big fan of this global warming stuff, but I've always thought we should take responsibility for our shit and just take control of the whole planet like tomorrow and turn it into a giant air-conditioned golf-course slash petting-zoo slash shopping-mall and just get rid of mother nature's wrinkly-old undependable ass altogether.

I just worry that if we do that, we're gonna argue over the Planetary Temperature Controls, y'know?

'Cause I don't wanna be too hot or too cold or anything, man, and whatever temperature I need to set the damn thing to in order to be comfortable where I'm at on the surface of the planet, its gonna be like twenty degrees warmer in Florida.

Sucks to be you, Florida ahaha.


Dirk said...

until they can get the ac working right in one office building, they can't have control over the whole planet.

besides, I just read this article about Yellowstone getting all grumbly and it sounds like it's gonna blow up and send everything back to caveman days.

so, we got that going for us.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Yah whew thank god the supervolcanos are willing to step in to help us out of this sticky mess we got ourselves into ahaha.

BugHunter said...

It's so hard to keep track of whether we're in a warming or an ice age. Let's see late 1900's was ice age, 40's was mass panic global warming, 70's was hysterics of an ice age again, so I guess that puts us back to an "inconvenient" global warming this decade right?

I'm going to just enjoy the global warming while it lasts, cause the ice age coming up next decade will be too cold for my blood.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Hey hey Bughunter!

Yah, I'm getting old, man, plus I smoke, so I'm really startin' to frickin' HATE the cold, if we gotta pick between Mars and Venus I'll go with Venus heh.

But I woulda picked Mars, y'know, when I was a younger viking with fire for blood who could run around in a blizzard without a shirt.

Hmm, from your thing it looks like the popularity swings between Ice Age and Global Warming has to do with the population booms, like they're actually ALREADY voting on the settings of the Planetary Temperature Controls ahaha.