The Disclaimer

A long time ago I read this book called "Ghost Story" by Peter Straub.

I didn't like the story much, even though Peter Straub is kinda freaky awesome at writing, but it had this thing in it called the Chowder Society.

And the Chowder Society was this gang of really old dudes that had been friends forever.

And they'd meet every two weeks and sip scotch at somebody's house, on a rotation, and it was always somebody else's turn to tell a story, on a rotation.

And I think there were two rules of the Chowder Society, kinda like Fight Club, but I can only remember one of 'em, and it was that you could never ask if the story was true.

I totally understand why they had that rule now, 'cause stories are just like lies, they are better when they start out from the truth, even when they're designed to go totally whacko and jokey in the end, but I didn't understand that when I first read it.

Then again, the rules don't really matter that much, it wasn't the rules that I thought I were so cool.

The point of the Chowder Society was that they went through this ritual to keep their brains from getting dull with old age.

And the reason I'm talking about it now is because it was that book that made me realize that it wouldn't totally suck to get old, these guys were like the town Wise Men that everybody came to when something weird happened, and they had to drive out to the farmer's field in their warm Lincoln Town Cars, and hike through the freezing snow even though it made their bones ache, and apply their ancient wealth of intelligence to the mysteries that had all the young farmer guys stumped, 'cause nobody could do it better than them, and they knew how to handle people in distress, and all this other shit, 'cause of all their experience, and it was just kinda kickass and awesome, even though the story sorta sucked if you stepped back and thought about it.

Up 'till I read that book I was trying to go out with the biggest bang possible before I lost my ability to bang, y'know, typical teenage shit, I just didn't see any point to withering away slowly and getting smaller and smaller and smaller.

But that book not only explained what was cool about getting old, it explained the trick to doing it well.

So that's mostly what I do here, on this crappy website thingie of mine, just grinding away and keeping my brain-pencil as sharp as I can, telling my stupid stories, making jokes, shooting for new levels of understanding, in search of satori, whatever.

Mostly I'm just talking to myself, sometimes I'm specifically talking to one of my real life buddies, sometimes I'm talking to somebody I know on the internet, but even when I do any of that I'm usually trying to include some cheap laughs for the folks that I know are just wandering through here and peeking over my shoulder.

But it isn't about them, really, they're just the constant pressure that I use to keep myself from getting totally lazy about it, y'know, knowing so many different kinds of people keeps me analyzing things from twenty million perspectives, and I like that, 'cause that's good for my brain, even though I know I have to eventually choose one perspective and piss at least 98% of them folks off heh.

But you know I'm never gonna try to sell you an Ole Bald Angus Hat and Pencil Set or some shit, at least, 'cause I'd be a helluva lot nicer to you if I was.

And I don't have any agenda, really, aside from applying my brain to the grindstone and enjoying the pretty sparks, 'cause that means its working heh.

And if I help out somebody else, give 'em a laugh, or make them think of cool stuff that they can turn into a story of their own, or whatever, that's cool and everything, y'know, but that's not really my primary motivation, even though I totally appreciate the folks that do the same kinda thing for me and I like to think I can return the favor sometimes.

And if I influence the future, or influence the masses that are banging at your gates, in a bad way, that's not really my primary motivation either, and I think yer kinda over-estimating my incredible powers of influence ahaha.

Anyways, I'm sorry if you hurt yourself on all the sharp edges around here, but this is my house, and I'm trying to get smarter, and I've got nothing to gain by making it safe for human cattle and much to lose by accidentally making it appealing to them.

And the people around here already know all that shit, but I figgered I'd say it anyways.