Saturday, March 17, 2007

Psychic Friends Network

If there was a psychic service that answered prayers and sent you a bill for time and materials afterwards, I'd be in deep shit.

I'd be all like "Hey! I didn't ask for this! I'm not paying for this! You can't prove I asked for this! There's no such thing as psychic powers!" when they came to collect.

Or "Hey, can't I just pay for this with psychic money or something? You guys got some kinda psychic credit plan maybe? Like, can't I just promise to be good and think happy thoughts and spread good will and love my brother man and shit from now on and all that stuff? Isn't that enough?"


Thanks for fixing my headache this morning, though, holy shit man, felt like the back of my teeth was connected to my eyeball there for a sec.

Hey, you guys wouldn't have done something like gimme a headache on purpose, y'know, like, just to get me to pay my pyschic bill or something?

You can't do stuff like that right?

Well how do I know that you weren't doing something like that to me in the past, then?

How do I know that all these past "headache cure" charges on my bill are legitimate headaches?

How do I know that you aren't just using me to supply your own demand for your services?

You could've been giving me the headaches you want me to pay you for curing all along just like the Antivirus Companies release viruses whenever they need more money!

Just like those guys that mess with the joints in your back, whatever they're called!

You know how they mess you up so you need to keep coming back for more "treatments!"

Yah, Chiropractors, right.

How do I know you ain't pulling some shit on me like that?

Ow, shit, my head, alright, shit, I'm sorry already, shit, stop, please, somebody, shit, please, just make it stop.

Ah, whew, thanks.

Hey waitaminute!

I'm not paying for that you ass-bandit!

And I'm not paying you for the answer to that Chiropractor question either!

That wasn't even a question anyways, it was just a vague descriptive phrase that ended in an exclamation point!

Oh yes it did, I recorded the whole thing on the internet, I'm looking at it right now even as we speak!

Ow, shit, alright, stop, shit, jeeze, okay already, shit, I'm sorry, please, okay, shit, I said please already, shit, please make it stop.

Goddammit, man!

Okay, alright, I give up, I'll pay.

Hey, can I pay you guys to give somebody else a headache?


Do they give you some sort of proof that they actually did it, like an EEG print-out or something?

Okay, well, I'm gonna hang up now so I can get hold of another operator and give you a headache.

Yah, haha, we'll see how you like being one of your own customers you bastard!

Ow shit oh you ain't shit gonna get me to shit give in to you shit this time you mothershitfucker I don't care shit how long I have to shit put up with this shit okay stop shit stop okay shit I give up already shit please stop shit I said please shit please make it shit please make it stop shit okay okay I promise already shit I promise I won't call back shit.

No comments: