Monday, March 12, 2007

Rubber Jump Suit

So here's my dude in his new Ghetto-ass Fur-trimmed Salvation Army Outfit with the pants that don't fit and the purple shirt he pulled off a dead pimp in an alley.

I like it, I'm roleplaying to myself that I stuff my hat with tinfoil to protect myself from the Radioactive Mind Rays of the black helicopters.

And the pictures show off some of the cooler stuff in the Matrix, like the way you can see out the windows in the buildings, you can actually see cars driving by and gang dudes waiting outside the door to the bank that are gonna wanna fight you as soon as you step out, and I even did one that sorta shows ya what its like to have Super Jump (which is goddam awesome) if you never played CoH.

"I know that this bottle of cheap scotch on the shelf isn't real, its just the Matrix telling my brain that its all tasty and delicious, but I'm still gonna try to crotch it when nobody is looking and walk out of the store without paying for it."

Meanwhile that dude behind me is roleplaying that he's interested in Yogurt or something, what a frickin' loser, I mean, its pretty sad to fall for the Matrix's cheap ass mind tricks, but to be watching your waistline and interested in fake Matrix Health Food on top of it, that's just frickin' pitiful, buy yerself some frickin' fake Matrix ICE CREAM, Doctor Jones, they can just digitally correct yer fat belly fulla guts afterwards, we never have to do sit-ups again!

Yah, I guess the screenshots don't really do it justice 'cause there's a lot of motion going on that you can't really see, I've tried to take screenshots of the kungfu fights but its really tough to do them good and I'm not a professional screenshot taker heh.

Anyways, there's already something that bugs me about the Matrix.

Yah, see, its got male and female clothes that drop as loot.

It pretty much has to be that way, 'cause there's a lot of different kinds of clothes in the Matrix, its not like WoW where there's just one kind of trench coat for everybody or anything.

But that male and female thing drives me crazy, because I always get a shit load of awesome loot for women, and I hardly ever get anything that I can use.

I'm such a lewtwhore that I'm tempted to make a female character just to use all this awesome crap I keep finding.

And the auction house is FILLED with page after page of female stuff nobody can use, and there's like one pair of green pants for a guy that I'm selling (don't buy them, they don't fit heh).

And I have to wonder if this is some kinda secret game designer idea to get us to socialize with men playing female characters, or some kinda weird nerd-boy thing to attract women to the game, or what, y'know?

Or mebbe the guy who controls the loot stuff for the game plays a female character or something?

Or mebbe they're trying to get us to all play chicks Fox Force Five Style to attract more nerds to the game?

Well, let me let you in on a secret, holmes.


Heck, if I was playing a female character, I'd have her run around in her underpants and a cowboy hat.

Okay, I'm just kidding.


Okay, I'm not kidding.

But I do hate constantly being reminded of women every time my Kungfu Hobo loots a guy and I get another Mini-Skirt of Ballistics or a Belly Shirt of Kung Fu, thanks a lot for that heh.

Maybe I'm getting a lot of female loot because my Killer Hobo tends to attack female npcs and female npcs drop female loot.

That would make sense, I guess, but at the same time, its like a Slippery Slope, y'know, 'cause I get mad at female npcs for dropping loot I can't use, so I wanna beat them up even more.

I dunno, I did finally get a new pair of pants with good bonuses that a guy can wear yesterday, at least, but they don't fit either heh.

They do match my big furry bum coat though, which is nice, y'know, 'cause they're both orange ahaha.

Well, it seems like there is some creepy fashion intelligence to the loot code thing, y'know, like the way it knew I just loved ORANGE heh.

I dunno, if I was in charge of the game, I'd cut back on the CHICKSTUFF a little and flood the game with tons of loot so MANFOLK would have more choices as they level up, especially 'cause levelling is so slow, and the population at any given level range is prolly extremely low, so there's no supply that isn't automatically sucked up by demand.

I'm lucky I like looking like a hobo-pimp drug addict or a kid from Southpark or Ali G Indahouse, 'cause it wasn't exactly by choice, I'm just wearing whatever has the best bonuses, y'know, classic Lewtwhore Red Sock Green Sock stuff heh.

Mmm, mebbe I will play me a cool Matrix Latex chick, dude, there's so much cheap and awesome crap on the auction house for them.

Yah, but then again, why would I want to put clothes on a chick?

That goes against all my training.

Cowboy boots and underpants and two machine guns, that's perfect.

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