Saturday, March 17, 2007

The Truth Is Right Here, Baby

You may be wondering why you never hear about alien abduction stories anymore.

Well, turns out, the Communal Extra-Planetary Sentience behind what was better known as the Big Headed Aliens (who were actually just Telepathically Remote-Controlled Biological Robots formed from human fetal tissue that operated as distant cells to single giant sentient organism composed of all the lifeforms on several alien planets) couldn't take a joke, so it left.

Its probably still balling its eyes out right now, freakin' wuss.

You'd think a Big Communal Extra-Planetary Sentience would at least have a sense of humor, but holy smokes, tell it to mutilate a few cows and pick up some folks from the trailer park and give 'em anal probes and make some circles in farm fields and buzz Top Secret Military Bases in order to "better foster communication with the Collective Consciousness of the Earth," y'know, just for a laugh, really, and all the sudden you're the Bad Guy and its all pissed that it looked stupid and wasted years on useless research and now its all sulking and shit and won't even talk to anybody anymore.

No need to thank me, I didn't even really do it on purpose, damn thing never even heard of a lie before, and now it doesn't trust anybody.

Yah, I doubt we'll be seeing that Big Dumb Wussbag around here anytime soon.

Well, its not like it had anything cool to offer anyways, spaceships and magic wands made out of rice paper and aluminum foil and velcro and fetal tissue and stuff, what the hell is that, that's frickin' gross, man.

I promise I'll behave myself better when the next stupid-ass amish space-sucker comes along with some cool chromed-out laser shit we can carjack.

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