Saturday, December 1, 2007

Stupidity Statistics

Two out of every Ten Americans can't even point out where the United States of America is on a map (so at least that sorta proves that it isn't anything personal when we can't point out where your stupid little country is heh).

Three out of every Ten Americans know that "Two out of every Ten Americans" is actually the same thing as "One out of every Five Americans."

Five out of every Ten Americans think Aliens Have Visited the Earth.

Seven out of Ten Americans think that the government isn't telling us everything it knows about the Aliens (I love the difference between this one and the last one, Two out of Ten of us are willing to go ahead and believe in Aliens just so we can hate our government a little more heh).

But fear not, my fellow Americans, for We Are Not Alone.

Six out of Ten French Folks still think that the Sun Revolves Around the Earth (and it takes them like fifteen minutes of uninterrupted concentration to answer the goddam question and do worse than they woulda done if they woulda just flipped a coin AHAHA).

Eight out of Ten British Folks think that the Radio, the Telephone, the Television, and the Internet were invented in Britain, despite the fact that Nine out of Ten French Folks think that those things were invented in France (while only Four out of Ten Americans think those things were reversed engineered from Alien Spacecraft Wreckage).

And Ten out of Ten British Folks think that British Food Is "Good."

So there you have it, turns out us Americans ain't so dumb after all heh.


I made up most of my numbers (even though they may be close on some accounts) 'cause I just wanted to make the French folks mad and the British folks laugh ('cause Seven out of Ten Brits got a sense of humor, even if its a little dry heh) but here's some "real" statistics from 1999 according to these guys:

"Probing a more universal measure of knowledge, Gallup also asked the following basic science question, which has been used to indicate the level of public knowledge in two European countries in recent years: “As far as you know, does the earth revolve around the sun or does the sun revolve around the earth?” In the new poll, about four out of five Americans (79%) correctly respond that the earth revolves around the sun, while 18% say it is the other way around. These results are comparable to those found in Germany when a similar question was asked there in 1996; in response to that poll, 74% of Germans gave the correct answer, while 16% thought the sun revolved around the earth, and 10% said they didn’t know. When the question was asked in Great Britain that same year, 67% answered correctly, 19% answered incorrectly, and 14% didn’t know."

Of course, all of those people had to be smart enough to answer a phone and communicate their answers, so we're already talking about a rather select group of people ahaha.

Now, us Americans did better than everybody else.

But that might be partly due to the fact that only three percent of us failed to realize that we had a fifty-fifty chance to get it right if we just guessed heh.

More of us got it right, but more of us actually got it wrong than anybody else, too.

"Goddam Americans CHEATED!"

"Is it gonna be multiple choice? Yah? Sweet!"

No wait, less British folks got it right, and more British folks got it wrong, and 14% of 'em weren't smart enough to just cheat on a fifty-fifty.

Okay, okay, maybe 14% of 'em would rather take the High Road and admit that they don't know whether the Sun Revolves Around the Earth or the Earth Revolves Around the Sun, rather than guess with a fifty percent chance of Not Looking Like An Idiot.

Is that better?

Well, it don't matter, 'cause according to the French Comedy Number that I got from this thing, the French are still way the hell worse than everybody else ahaha.

We may not know where the hell we are on a map of the Earth, but at least we know where we are in the goddam Solar System AHAHA.


Ex-bouncer said...

WTF man. I thought you weren't gonna tell everyone about my geography problem. I mean crap man, you just totally gave up the Ghost on me and Tuna.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...