Contrary To Popular Belief

There's a bunch of things that everybody likes, stuff that you would prolly think I like from the crap I blabber about all the time, stuff that even I think I should like, that I don't really like at all for some reason.

Futurama is one of 'em, I can hardly sit through that show, I dunno what it is, it just doesn't make me laugh at all, and then my brain turns off 'cause I'm not using it enough or something, and I start thinking about other things and I forget that I'm supposed to be watching it.

Its the same thing that happens if I try to watch a channel that has commericals on it, as soon as the commercials come on, I space out, and then I think about something else I could be doing besides sitting through commercials and trying to watch TV, and I start doing that.

Yah, I really hate commercials, I go for months without watching anything on TV sometimes.

James Bond movies do that to me too, for some reason, I tend to fall asleep during James Bond movies, even though they're full of exploding jetpacks and super car stunts and evil supervillains and hot chicks and all this other cool stuff that I like.

The British Accent is another thing that everybody likes except me, and I remember liking it a long time ago, but when you got a girlfriend that actually speaks that way all the time, you start getting like, "Hey, can you turn that shit off for five minutes and give it a rest?"

And of course they can't turn it off, y'know, so you end up burying 'em out by the pines on the highway, and you can still hear their scratchy little voices coming up from under the ground heh.

The New Zealand and Australian accents don't bug me so much 'cause they're mellower somehow or something, I've worked with folks from both places and it never gets on my nerves at all.

Although I know some Australians that are about as impossible to understand as Irish folks, where they talk in these weird phrases and little poems and bits of song from the middle ages or some shit, and yer supposed to figure out what they're saying like its some kinda historical and mythological word puzzle heh.

"Hang on, I need to get a piece of scratch paper and a pencil and an encyclopedia and a calculator for this."

Actually English accents don't bug me, I was just kidding about that (I mean, c'mon, I love Red Dwarf and the old Doctor Whos and Absolutely Fabulous and blah blah blah), I just don't think its fun to listen to it like some people seem to think it is (obviously they never had to live with anyone who talked that shit 24/7 ahaha).

Let's see, what else...

Ah yah, I don't like Anime, that's a big one.

Can't stand the shit, its about as fun as listening to a kid that just ate six pounds of sugar who lives in a box full of brightly colored plastic toys, doesn't make any sense to me, even though it constantly tries to be all deep and whatever, and that just makes it worse.

When I was a kid, I was eating strawberry Ice Cream when this Elephant Man Movie came on TV, and I got real sick to my stomach and disgusted and I haven't eaten Strawberry Ice Cream since.

That's what Anime reminds me of, Anime and the Real World go together like Strawberry Ice Cream and the Elephant Man.

There's a ton of stuff I like from Japan, but Anime ain't on the list.

I actually don't like David Lynch stuff either, he's pretty much the same thing as Anime, uses a bunch of metaphysical mumbo-jumbo to make his shock jock sadistic soft porn stuff seem mysterious and clever and deep or something, when it ain't.

Y'know, you can keep all that mysticism and whatever, and just show me the lesbians, thanks.

Twin Peaks was great, but I think he co-wrote that with the dude from Hill Street Blues, at least for the first season, and maybe that mellowed him out and forced him to make a little sense or something heh.

Anyways everything else that I don't like is pretty standard for a Saturday Morning Cartoons dork like me, I think.

Oh, watching sports always bored the hell out of me (although I liked playing 'em all through high school), but that's really not that weird fer a guy like me, y'know, I don't get what we're supposed to be doing with that, watching muscle guys and gym teachers run around.