Tuesday, December 4, 2007

The Here We Go Show


You know what?

We should make movies.


Movies where we drive around and lipsynch to songs.

That's it, just driving and lipsynching, lipsynching and driving.

For hours and hours.

Hours and hours and hours of us lipsynching to songs while we drive around and around and around.

And people will watch 'em.

Oh hellyah people will watch them.

People will waste their entire lives watching somebody else have fun driving around and lipsynching and laughing for them.

I dunno man, that's just how they are!

They're all weird like that, y'know?

Its just like porn and sports and mystery shows where they watch somebody else solve all the mysteries.

People just eat that kinda shit up.


You know what else?

We could drive around and pick up "special guest stars."

Like Chuck Norris and homeless people and stuff.

You know its Big Tuna that has to sit next to them, c'mon, that'd be funny heh.

The faces he'd make, having to sit next to a homeless guy, while I was really friendly to the homeless guy and I got him to tell us all about his life, c'mon, that a comedy waterfall of comedy on a quickly flowing comedy river of comedy ahaha.

Oh come on, he's ten times scarier than any skinny little homeless guy, you practically need a sword to stab deep enough into Big Tuna to hit anything vital, y'know?

Hypodermic needles and razor blades and shivs and boards with nails sticking outta 'em and broken bottles and all the other sorts of improvised weapons homeless guys attack people with wouldn't have any effect on him.


We could even do parts of the show LIVE on the internet and take phone calls and requests and whatever.

"Naked Franks, you are on the air!"

"Hey bitches! Pick up that homeless guy you just ran over!"

Yah, we could surprise folks by sucking most of the time and then suddenly bursting into totally choreographed and synchronized routines where we all did the robot or something exactly the same and passed it off to each other and crap heh.

And stunts, like where Ex-B loses control of the car and jumps over rivers and burning barrels and crap all Dukes of Hazzard style with the Dixie musical horn salute and the mid-jump freeze-frame cowboy narrator going "Them boys look they're knee deep in a heap-a-trouble" and everything.

Yah, that'd do wonders for Ex-B's motion sickness ahaha.

Only thing that sucks about doing it live is that you can't edit the sound on the fly so the tunes aren't all messed up by whatever noises there are in the car and stuff, I hate white noise and all that ruining the tunes.

Yah, if we got sick of the lipsinking thing we could do a travel show where we went around to the WORST places to vacation, y'know, like totally ghetto ass Motel 6 hillbilly amusement parks and tourist attractions and shit, the kinda towns that young country singing girls wanna escape from, and we could interview folks and check out the local "restaurants" where they sell those dolls that trailer park chicks collect and crap, that'd be some funny ass-end of the universe shit, it'd be like the opposite of every other travel show heh.

We could take folks to those Firworks & Cigarette shops they got in Indiana, and take 'em to see the World's Largest Tire, and have folks show us where they saw aliens and haunted lawnmowers and whatever whack-out shit there is like that.

But that'd sorta ruin the whole stupid theme of this thing I'm writing right now, y'know?

'Cause there is ZERO effort and skill involved in lipsinking and dancing in your seat while you drive around, but I still think it'd be worth some money heh.

Yah, my joke sorta went off the rails there.

Yabbut that's okay, it wasn't as funny as I thought it would be.

Yah, I kinda felt like I was yelling at people and scolding them for being voyeuristic or some shit, y'know?

Yah, so screw that.

I dunno wtf that was all about, I just get preachy sometimes, it's like some kinda Good Deed For the Day Superiority Complex Syndrome, I just gotta lord it all over people every once in a while, I can't help myself ahaha.

It just bugs me when a buddy movie has a lot of that lipsynching shit innit, 'cause its like they're cheating or something.

"Hey! That was fifteen minutes of them lipsynching songs! This movie is only seventy minutes long if you cut that part out!"

Don't need no fancypants hollywood writer for that shit, y'know?

"Okay, let's see, at this point in the script, there's fifteen minutes of improvised physical comedy where they just sorta lipsynch to cool songs."

Its a good thing to remember in case we need about fifteen minutes of buddy movie filler heh.

Okay, I guess I did sorta pull that one out of the tailspin at the very end there.

Man I'm good.

Edit: 'Cept where I spelled "lip synch" as "lipsink" like five hundred times ahaha shit I just love all this error checking and editing, waking up in the middle of the night and screaming with the sudden realization of hidous typos and mispellings and crap, its just awesome.

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