Thursday, December 6, 2007

Cranium Fights

Y'know how they use those pillow-gloves for boxing?

So the fights will last longer?

'Cause if they fought without the gloves the fight would be over in like two seconds.

And it'd be illegal or something.

So the more you stuff the gloves, the longer the fight lasts, and the less illegal it is.

And if the fights are taking too long, and going too many rounds, you just take out some of the stuffing, y'know?

Down to the legal limit of pillow-glove-stuffing, however they measure that, I guess its in Units of Poomfiness or something.

'Cause anything less Poomfy than that, when swung at someone's cranium, is too much Brutality-Per-Second and therefore illegal.

Now, if you had a special kind of boxing match where the dudes couldn't use their hands or feet, and they just had to smash their heads together to try to knock each other unconscious with headbutts, the fight would be over too quick.

And it'd be illegal.

But if you had the guys wear special pillow-helmets, you could control how long the fights lasted by adding stuffing to the helmets.

And avoid the whole legal issue.

Oh, it might look a little funny at first, with the big red pillow-hat fighters clonking their skulls together, but I think we'd get used to it.

And then it would be awesome, just two guys, smashing their craniums together until one of 'em was mashed senseless.

And they wouldn't have to hurt their hands in order to poomf each other out, y'know, so in the long run, it'd actually be more humane and stuff.


Jeff Freeman said...

Oh man, before gloves the fights lasted waaaaaaay longer than they do now.

Didn't really have anything to do with whether they were wearing gloves or not though, really.

Check out this guy.

The last bare-knuckled championship bout:

The fight began at 10:30 the following morning, and it looked as if Sullivan was going to lose, especially after he vomited during the 44th round. But the champion got his second wind after that, and Kilrain's manager finally threw in the towel after the 75th round.

Heh. Rock.

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Jeesh ahaha.