The Ben Affleck Clause

So you meet this girl and you fall in love.

And you are so happy.

And you marry this girl.

And you are so happy.

And she gets pregnant.

And you are so happy.

And then you have to go through the whole pregnancy thing.

Getting her pickles in the middle of the night and trying to keep her from drinking gasoline while she gets fatter and crazier every day and all that.

But you love her so it don't matter.

And you are working your ass off to make ends meet.

And then finally she has the kid.

After all this worrying.

And its a healthy kid.

And you are so happy.

And then a couple months goes by.

And suddenly your wife tells you that she has the hots for Ben Affleck.

And suddenly you have this wife who has the hots for Ben Affleck.

And a kid that's half you, and half of a person who has the hots for Ben Affleck.

This horrible, twisted, half-self-hating, half-Ben-Affleck-loving creature that you were tricked into creating.

That you have to work your ass off to take care of.

You have to work your ass off to take care of this hideous half-hots-for-Ben-Affleck man-thing.

And its Ben-Affleck-Loving mother.

Like some kinda guy stuck in a slave camp where you have to take care of people who love Ben Affleck.

I mean, seriously, if you try to run away, they can call the cops and have you arrested and sue you for not doing your part to take care of all these Ben Affleck Lovers and their little Half-Ben Affleck-Lover Abominations!

And who loves you?

Your wife don't love you!

She loves Ben Affleck!

And your kid Half-Loves Ben Affleck!

And the police sure don't love you!

They love Ben Affleck too!

I just wanna say...

...that I feel your pain, brother.

I think there should be a Special Ben Affleck Clause to all marriage contracts.

Y'know, like, if your wife starts having the hots for Ben Affleck, you are totally off the hook for divorce settlements and all that paternity stuff.

Or at least Ben Affleck should have to pay his half of it all.

Or something.