The UFO Freak Show

These guys, for the most part, are so out of it they seem harmless to me, but apparently "We Will Not Commit Suicide Disclaimers" are warranted at the bottom of one of the web sites that sorta ties all these things together (I'm not gonna link to it 'cause I don't really wanna get all tangled up with a bunch of people who are telling me not to worry about their potential for suicidal shit) so mebbe this cheesy-ass cheap-clown Carnival Cult stuff ain't as entertaining to everybody else as it is to me heh.

This guy is supposedly delivering a speech containing orders to the folks that work at Majestic 12, a Top Secret Government Project that is working with diseased aliens from two divergent future timeless or something (hopefully he won't show up and explain it to me heh).

For extra credit, try to figure out what the orders are.

There's a zillion interviews with that guy, and each one of 'em is like a beautiful and unique snowflake, he's got everything except the charisma necessary to start a cult ahaha.

This poor guy has the charisma to start a cult, y'know, he seems kinda likeable and harmless and even sweet, but he also seems a little mentally disturbed and easy to feel pity for, and I don't think he'd hurt anybody, but maybe that's his whole carnival scam, and he's just exactly that good at it.

If so, he's fucking slick as shit, I've had a million bums beg me for money but I never seen one that could hold a candle to his "I killed a baby bird" routine ahaha.

Here's a mysteriously dead guy that helped build Underground Alien Military Bases and had his bones burned by laserguns. And if you think that lecture is crazy, check out the magazines his dead buddy wrote on his memorial website, its like a book made out of pages that could be rearranged in any order and still make exactly the same amount of sense.

Okay, I know the stuff I write is sorta like that but fuck you ahaha.

And here's a guy that references Star Wars a lot and does all the same shit as everybody else, y'know, with Spirit Guides named X'lax that can guide you through the Nine Gates of Mitzlplx'N'L'Gah (which is X'laxian for Personal Fulfillment) to Save the World.

Here's a chick that channels the spirit of Edgar Cayce, which is only interesting because the Star Wars dude I just mentioned is supposed to be the Reincarnated Form of Edgar Cayce, so I wonder if he has blackouts or something when she does that.

UFO Pilot.

Here's a Genetic Mind Control Psychic Super Soldier.

I'm not totally making fun of these guys, either, 'cause I think they're a form of entertainment that you wouldn't otherwise get if you just tried to write a straight forward science fiction story that made sense to people and stuff.

Plus you gotta give 'em extra points for showmanship, and making an ass of themselves.

Unless they ain't kidding, y'know, you don't gotta give 'em extra points for showmanship and making an ass of themselves if they ain't kidding ahaha.