Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The Man In Black

My grampa was an interrogator for the CIA, Nazi War Crimes stuff.

He left the CIA (and then he had to wait nine years) to marry my gramma.

Most of the things I know about his career actually comes from things my gramma said as she nudged him and tried to get him to talk about all the interesting (and sometimes embarassing, y'know the way women do that ahaha) shit he did during World War II, or junk my mother told me about him, which probably came from Gramma in the same way.

"Oh! Oh! Tell him about how you blah blah blah blah blah..."


The guy hardly ever talked about anything, y'know, the only thing he ever seemed interested in sharing with me was Tough Guy Stuff, like teaching me Judo Moves, and demonstrating that Spock Pressure Point shit on me, 'cause I didn't think it was real and I was taller than him and a total smartass by the time I was thirteen so I think he felt like he had to put me in my place a lot heh.

Our relationship was pretty much entirely combat related or something, the only things he and my Gramma used to watch on TV were Kungfu Movies and Wrestling.

Oh, and the Three Stoogers, but that's almost the same thing ahaha.

Anyways, I remember reading about UFOs and the mythologies and the conspiracy theory history around it when I was in High School, 'cause I was doing research, thinking about writing a script about the Men In Black, in all their original creepiness, which I never ended up doing 'cause I got turned off once I hit all that UFO holy roller cult and Adamski Con Artist Crap and alien abduction stuff, which totally killed the fun of it for me.

Y'know how those guys tie all the conspiracies together into these crazy ass Satan Versus the Enlightened UFOs from Lemuria Killed JFK things, and junk like that, its like, pfft, I wanted my Men In Black to be enigmatic (and possibly alien) bad guys that drive around in a Black Cadillac and listen to the radio between horrible conspiracy-nut antagonizing assignments with awkward moments of silence and all sorts of awesome evil comic book shit like that, David Lynch and Kubrick Style, y'know?

That was all before the Will Smith Comedy Men In Black thing came out.

Anyways when I came across the shit about the CIA's involvement in that sorta stuff, with Roswell and everything, I knew my Grampa was in the CIA (and the Service it evolved out of) at that time.

And there couldn't have been that many people in the CIA at the time, so I figured he'd probably know something, if there was anything to know.

So I made up my mind to try to get some information out of him about it, I was thinking "OH MAN MY GRAMPA MIGHT HAVE BEEN A MAN IN BLACK I CAN JUST ASK HIM THIS IS SO AWESOME I'M GONNA FIND OUT SECRETS THAT NOBODY KNOWS!!!"

Anyways, when I worked my way around to asking him about UFOs ('cause I started out asking him about the Rules of talking about Top Secret shit and then I worked my way around to the junk I really wanted to ask him), his eyes lit up, but that coulda meant anything, that coulda meant "PFFT OMFG UFOS ARE SO STUPID YOU IDIOT" as much as it coulda meant "YOU SHOULD REALLY LOOK INTO THAT KID."

I've met a lot of people in all my adventures but I never met a guy that was harder to read than my grampa, the guy was a goddam robot, his only emotions were Smirky Amusement and Anger heh.

And that weird electric look he gave me was the end of my interrogation of him ahaha.

Hey, it was hard enough to get him to sit there and let me ask him questions in the first place, I mean, the only reason I got as far as I did was 'cause I was related to him and I knew he would want to impress me, at least a little.

And that was the one and only time he let me corner him like that.

And I blew it heh.

So that's all I got for this UFO shit, I don't believe in aliens and flying saucers and all that, and I study it as a mythology, as ammo for stories and jokes and entertainment purposes, but my Grampa gave me a weird glaring look once when I asked him about it, and I ain't sure what the fuck that was supposed to mean, so I can't totally rule anything out ahaha.

That shit could be anything, or nothing.

So as far as all that UFO stuff goes, all I got is a weird look from the Man in Black to go on.

I kinda think he heard about something, but didn't actually see anything, so whatever he heard and mebbe even believed coulda been bullshit anyways.

Or mebbe he saw something, but he wasn't sure what it was.

That's the only explanation I can give for him not just telling me they were bogus, y'know?

I mean, it'd be easier for you to understand if you knew the guy, he didn't have any imagination, he was nothing like me, and nothing like all these dudes that are into UFOs and say they worked for Top Secret Projects and shit, either, y'know, I don't think I ever even heard him tell a joke, and everybody that knows him and my gramma thinks my mom musta been adopted.

I got a lot of respect for my stepdad (the college professor) 'cause he was my mom's first sweetheart when they were kids, and it takes a lot of balls to go after the daughter of an interrogator for the CIA, especially when he catches you climbing out the second story bathroom window of his house heh.

But my stepdad says all sixteen-year-old kids got those kinda balls ahaha.

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