Doritos Ain't Food

Somebody I know says that Doritos Ain't Food that they're more like little chips of wood or cardboard with some chemical powder.

I think it was my Uncle, the one that ain't really related to me but was my dad's best friend from Vietnam so he was my Uncle in that way, y'know.

He really was my godfather so there's that too but he was my Uncle before he was one of my godparents so it stuck.

No wait, he said that Tombstone Pizza was like cardboard, he said Doritios were like those scented wood chips you put in a Hamster Cage ahaha.

He's the one who liked Conan and Underground Comics and made all the little kids laugh.

He was a big ole bear of a guy with one of those truckstop hillbilly asskicker moustaches but he had that Santa Claus thing where you knew he was a Good Guy right away.

I think it was him that said Doritos Ain't Food.

Anyway whoever it was made this face when they said it, and ever since then, I ain't been able to eat Doritos without thinking about the bottom of a Hamster Cage.

And it makes Doritos really hard to eat sometimes ahaha.

So which voice thing are we gonna use?

The good thing about voice is that I can eat anything crunchy and just pretend they're Doritos if we get Doritos as a sponsor or I have to apologise to the Doritos People for doing that Doritos Ain't Food Routine ahaha.