Friday, November 2, 2007


When I was little, my mom told me that everyone says that Firemen just sit around the Firehouse all day reading porno mags and then she laughed.

It was just some joke from when she was a kid or something y'know just one of those weird things your parents blurt out.

But it stuck with me, because I was so small that I didn't really know anything about firemen, and also because I always understand exactly what she's saying and where she's coming from when she says anything, y'know, 'cause she's my mom.

And so anyways, unlike all the other children on the playground, the first thing that came to my mind when anybody brought up Firemen was Sitting Around the Firehouse All Day Reading Porno Mags.

I didn't get into trouble over it, or anything, y'know, I was able to hide my psychological disfigurement in polite company by not saying anything, I always knew that Reading Porno Mags might be unsettling to some of the younger viewers in the audience ahaha.

And so with this personal burden of silence I continued as a child until all the other children started associating Firemen with Sitting Around the Firehouse All Day Reading Porno Mags of their own free will.

And suddenly I was the popular guy hurrah and I saved the whole town by rollerskating better than this other guy.

Naw I'm just kidding we both rollerskated just as good as each other and became fast friends at the end.

But eventually I wasn't cool anymore because the New Cool Thing was that Firemen Messed Around With Hookers All Day At the Firehouse and I never heard of that before.

When I got old enough to actually have friends that were my age that were Firemen I was all like, so, do you guys sit around all day and read porno mags and mess with hookers like everybody says?

And they're all like, no, fireman stuff is serious blah blah blah, and then they give me a speech about fire safety, y'know, like, what kind of fire suppression system they have in the building we're in and whether it'll suffocate us or not when it triggers and whatever ahaha.

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