Friday, November 23, 2007

Stupid Powers

There's a ton of super powers that don't make any sense to me as pseudo-scientific things caused by genetics and stuff.

The ability to fly through the air is an especially bad one, 'cause its like multiple levels of stupid.

I mean, what the hell is that all about?

It ain't any kind of jet propulsion.

There isn't gas coming out of Superman's feet that helps him stop a falling Airplane, or lift an aircraft carrier out of the water.

Is it mind over matter?

Mind over matter is another stupid power.

What's it supposed to be that's holding shit up in the air?

Are these telekinetic guys changing air density and stuff?

Is it Magic?

I can see Old School Sorcery working, where you ask supernatural powers for favors, kinda like the way Jedi ask the Force to help 'em do stuff, but then its not really the super hero that's doing the thing, its some kinda ghost or something, and it ain't got anything to do with science and genetics and whether you born in a solar system with a Red Sun or whatever.

I just don't get it.

And if you really could make shit move around with your mind, even if it was just something as small as a paperclip, or the ability to bend spoons, you'd be able to pretty much instantly kill another human being about sixty different ways, by jabbing your tiny little mind over matter shit into their internal organs or their brain and giving 'em a lil' pinch.

But mind over matter guys never do that, right?

Nope, they whip people and kitchen sinks around and stuff.

And then the mind over matter guys don't usually fly around, like there's a rule that they can lift anything except themselves off the ground.

And the dudes that can fly can't lift shit with their mind, even though they're lifting their bodies off the ground somehow, with their mind.

And unless yer made out of steel like Superman, you'd take some serious damage from flying around at even 80 miles an hour without a helmet and some thick clothing, let alone the speeds they got these guys going, that'd burn all yer hair and eyebrows off, at the very least, and you'd probably have welts and burns in all the places where you'd hurt if you did a wicked belly flop in a pool and shit too.

Y'know that saying about keeping yer mouth shut on a motorcyle, no smiling heh.

The "flying man" would be one ugly bastard in no time.

Just makes no sense to me.

And then there's all the guys like Magneto, and Pyrotechnic junk, and the ability to freeze things, or shoot lasers, or turn invisible by bending light, which is all the same goddam super power as telekinesis on a micoscopic level.

And none of those make any sense either.

Super strength and precognition and the other sorta passive ones that are extra-sensory and stuff ain't so bad, at least.

And you could read minds to know where people were looking and stuff, so you could do invisibility that way.

But these other ones are pretty messed up.

Guess its the same shit that holds Skeletons together.

No comments: