Tuesday, April 10, 2007

On the Clock

If I could go back in time and kill one guy, I'd kill the guy that invented clocks.

Yah, seriously.

See, back in the olden days, before clocks, folks could only bug you to come and meet them three times a day.

Y'know, sunrise, noon, and sunset.

So you had a maximum of three meetings per day.

And they had to use up one of those meetings to come and bug you to see when you might be available for a real meeting, and then they might have to come and use up another meeting or two if there was a scheduling problem, so it was even better than it probably seems at first.

And you could always lie and shit and say "sorry Frank, I already got a sunrise appointment," and folks would believe you, 'cause it was really hard to fit shit in when you could only do three meetings a day, and they wanted to sleep in tomorrow just as much as you did, anyways.

So then you could sleep in, y'know, and skip that sunrise crap, man, those sunrise ones really suck heh.

Heck, those noon ones were kinda hot and too bright and uncomfortable and shit too, better to just meet everybody and do all yer appointments at sunset.

Then some unimaginable asshole invented hours and minutes and seconds and holy shit now we all work in cubicles and I gotta do three hundred goddam things a day and be somewhere at eleven thirty-eight and all the women think sex should last longer than two minutes and I don't even got time to pee.

Well, that weasel that invented clocks shoulda thought about how all these people from the future that he was selling into time-slavery might come looking for him someday before he went ahead and invented that shit.

He musta really thought we were all a bunch of wussbags.

Yah, as long I do the hit sometime between sunrise and noon or noon and sunset or sunset and sunrise, I know there won't be any witnesses.

As fer the rest of yas, you can all sleep in tomorrow and just thank me at sunset.


W.Churchill said...

I'd have to focus my rage at the guy who came up with this lame ass daylight savings crap

Sundry Chicken said...

This may be somewhat circular and irrational... you're going to have to build yourself a time machine. Chilling with Nebuchadnezzar and excursions to Sumer, Ur and greater Babylonia are going to be high on your list. Problem being you're gonna have to take out the ruling priest/astronomer class. Maybe it's easy, check the Ziggurats after dark. Bring lots of explosives and mosquito repellent. Use DEET. That other stuff is crap. Last time I was there of course we didn't have DEET. We had cow dung. Take your pick. Cancer or smelling like crap.
Oh by the way, base 60 time? Holy Cthulu you're going to be very sad once you realize the correspondence of the Vedas, Bhagavad-Gita, Bible, Torah and their interelationship and wanton incestuous loving of base 60 and the magic of 60 * 60 * 24 = 86.400

Ole Bald Angus the Monk said...

Yah, well, that's the way you remember it NOW.

I can tell this is gonna be a lot more work than I thought, that base 60 stuff is prolly my fault, I was really gettin' kinda frustrated with this clownshow musical octave thing they were into using.

Frickin' Ur, man, why's it always gotta be Ur.

Couldn't never be no place nice like Harrappa or something.